I AM SECOND!!! Good Evening my Beautiful Ladies!!!! I see a difference in my life when I distance my self from our Father in Heaven and when I have him first in my heart!!!! I am not saying Im sin free, Im perfect or that Im an angel because I have our Father in Heaven first in my heart; I am only saying my life is easier with him there!!!! Lord knows Im far from perfect and I know I will never be perfect, nor do I want to be perfect!!!! I just want to work on becoming the most perfect version of myself!!!! I love these I Am Second videos!!! The first one I ever watch was actually Trevor Braziles I am Second video!!!! Tonight I needed more God in my life and I first went to watch a sermon called Its not what it seems. When I went to watch it for some reason the sound did not want to work, but YouTube suggested the I Am Second videos!!! Upon clicking on the I Am Second videos, I seen the Robertsons I Am Second video!!!! This was a much watch for me!!!! I love Duck Dynasty and I love the Robertsons!!!! As I watch the video, Im thinking this is great its a much watch for everyone; I hit share while its still playing and I tell all my Facebook friends about the video!!!! This video was only half way in when I hit share!!!! I cried during the video!!!! It truly moves me every time I think about how no matter how bad your life is you can come back to The Lord and he will still love you and he will forgive you!!!! It truly moves my soul to know that we all have a purpose in life and if we will let Our Father in Heaven guide us; not only will we help change the world, but we will be successful in life!!!! Watching this video was great, but it wasnt until Reed spoke that I was touched truly by The Lord and tears fell like a water fall from my eyes and I remember my own father saying to me, you are being selfish thinking that way and I remember him questioning where he went wrong in raising me!!! I grew up in a small Mormon town and until I was in 4th grade, going to church on Sundays was important to me and normal; but in 4th grade is when I started competing in rodeo and going out on the range to work cows. With this lifestyle change came the Sunday church missed here and there because we were gone. I soon became hell bound and was told by certain people who at one time told me I was going to hell from than until I graduated!!!! What was confusing about this was that they always preached about being with your families in Sundays; while on the range or at a rodeo on Sunday, we were together more as a family than if we were at church!!! Soon I grew a hate for church. Not only did I grow a hate for the Mormon church but for all churches!! I craved The Lord and so many times I needed him and I tried to talk to him, but I felt unworthy of his love and help not to mention I was so lost and confused on how to talk to him! I have to give myself true props during all of this, I did have some dislike for the people who judged me; but I never hated or judged any of them!!! Even years later when I faced my abuse, I did not and still do not hate my ex!!! With that being said, there were a lot of times I wanted to hate my mom and sister!!! I felt if I hated them; not being as good as Casey, feeling my mom didnt love me as much as Casey, not being as skinny or as pretty as either on of them, being told Id never be successful, Id never find a good man, Id be a bad mom and so on and so forth would be easier to deal with!!! But I still couldnt find it in me to truly hate them; even though I did become depressed, hated life, wanted to commit suicide and I ended up dating men not quite what I needed or deserved so that I could get away from the pain.... Wish I could say that worked but it caused more pain and in 2013 caused me fearing for my life daily and loosing everything!!!! During those years, I thought about suicide; I had even told my dad more than once I wanted to end my life or I had wished my ex had killed me..... I seen the hurt in my dads eyes when I said that and I remember him telling me I was being selfish and I remember him questioning the way he raised me!!! Like Reed knew it was not anything his mom had done wrong raising him, I knew it was nothing my dad had done wrong!!!! To be honest, if it wouldnt have been for the way my dad raised me and my two main horses; I would probably be dead!!!! I did not come back to The Lord and begin to reach out to him until I was fearing for my life daily and had no one to turn to!!!! It was amazing because if though I didnt understand how I know a) I would be safe, b) all of the pain and hurt and fear I was going through was for a reason and I was destined to use that abuse to help others, c) I knew I would leave Southern Nevada before Jam 1, 2014; all because I reached out to The Lord and said save me please!!! Through everything I have been through and I have over came, I realize how strong and capable I truly am; well long as I keep The Lord close and I listen to him!!! When I distant myself and get wrapped up in the world; I begin to feel lost, confused, full of doubt, full of hurt, second guess everything, feeling alone, even selfish in a way,and I want to give up on life and go back to living a boring 9-5 dead end life! I am blessed for every piece of my past and I am blessed to have the family and friends that I have, but I am mostly blessed because I Am Second!!! youtu.be/FjqccYmx13w
Posted on: Sun, 11 Jan 2015 05:34:12 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015