I DEDICATE THIS TO MY HUSBAND DAN & immediate best friend when I met him at a dance club in Bellevue, WA (owned by famous sports caster Wayne Cody) when I was 20-- 24 yrs ago so Ive bn w him longer than ive existed. And boy oh boy Hv we bn thru some sh$& and going through hell now. I love you, Dan. (& for those of u who might judge me for feeling this way/posting this such as the 20 smthng friend/family member who texted or msgd me tht I was weak for staying w him--it was only my more seasoned, experienced w life and married for many years female friends closer to my age (44) & tht who weve bn thru a variety of struggles together, that gave a more balanced, experienced, non know-it-all, insulting statements. In fact it was the younger people or the ones tht r single or have no commonality w my life tht told me what to do (which is how I was in my late teens and early 20s--a judgemental, self-righteous, arrogant know it all tht just thought people had to work smarter not harder But it was the friends who had more in common w me, even the ones whod gone thru traumatic nasty divorces that gave me more empathy than one-size-fits-all advice. Ive also more recently bn feeling the extra pressure tht Ive nvr felt this much from the category of friend that Ive always stated tht I cld tolerate the most ever since I was w teen: many of my close frievds Hv bn guys b /c I Hv related to them better in the past and its bn less drama and less judgement. But lately Ive run into smthng tht has nvr effected me this negatively in the past and that is a complete inability to undrstnd where Im coming from and shocking statements over and over where they r expecting things of me as if I have the time and luxury to only think of myself like they can--as if im single & as if they Hv any ground to stand on to claim Ignorance tht Im going thru the most overwhelming time of my life & they know all the people & Things Ive cut out of my life just to keep things as simple as possible to get thru this horrible period but amazingly their expectations dont conform and instead when I mention An Additional unusual thing that suddenly came up, instead of what I wld think wld b a common sense response when they r watching me shake & Hv some severe physiological reactions (perhaps they think Im faking but more likely is that they just Hv a complete inability to put themselves into the shoes of someone so different--not anyones fault-just the way or it is but its added additional Stress thats put me in some quandaries lately. To my surprise, when I try to stick up for myself when they r expecting smthng from Me & in pertinent instances, Im like, what ? U r asking ME to do that when Ive clearly got a family to think abt/ health problems, trying to rebuild my health to Somehow get my career back and all u have is yourself so it makes logical Sense that YOU b the one to do it. And to my shock, Ive heard similar things from two frievds in the last week thats made it clear to me that, though they believe me in the struggles Im going thru, they guiltlessly expect even more from me instead of stepping up to the plate and pushing themselves to do what they r expecting me to do--statements like, well , youre the strong one or another similar one thats bn making me rethink lots of things but I just dont know know What to do. Ive faced so many unusual situations the past 6 Wks by people tht Ive known for years. Its bn making me the blanket unconditional Love and support of my sister Lisa who makes overall empathetic understanding supportive statements of unconditional love vs from guys it seems I get more point by point support & I Hv to bring things up repeatedly and explain it excessively explicitly lately and even then dont feel tht they get it/know how to express their empathy if they do feel it. (I keep hearing from one that he DOES feel It but doesnt know how to express it but right now complete silence or inappropriate more painful responses are not what I can deal w now. So Im trying tons figure out possible ways to set myself up for success b/c it just doesnt work for me to settle on a negative assessment of someone or people I care about. I purposely & constantly strive to see as many things as possible thru rose colored glasses as long as Im not in denial abt smthng I need to face. So I hv a need to vent but people dont know what to say so perhaps I might try to be too open w ESP certain friends, at least for now, one on one, so I can go back to only thinking good thoughts of them. It disturbs me to be petty & feeling hurt or pissed off all the time like Ive bn pushed to lately. Its just not who I am. Queen - Youre My Best Friend Youre My Best Friend Ooh, you make me live Whatever this world can give to me Its you, youre all I see Ooh, you make me live now honey Ooh, you make me live Youre the best friend That I ever had Ive been with you such a long time Youre my sunshine And I want you to know That my feelings are true I really love you Youre my best friend Ooh, you make me live Ive been wandering round But I still come back to you In rain or shine Youve stood by me girl Im happy at home (happy at home) Youre my best friend. Ooh, you make me live Whenever this world is cruel to me I got you to help me forgive Ooh, you make me live now honey Ooh, you make me live Youre the first one When things turn out bad You know Ill never be lonely Youre my only one And I love the things I really love the things that you do Youre my best friend Ooh, you make me live. Im happy, happy at home Youre my best friend Youre my best friend Ooh, you make me live
Posted on: Wed, 20 Aug 2014 22:38:50 +0000