I am somewhat reluctant to post my thoughts on this, as it may seem like I am only whining, but I find that I am genuinely confused and frustrated. Those who know me, know that I have had great difficulty meeting women. This mostly stems from one blow to my ego (what little there ever was) after another. I was always a shy kid when it came to these things and hearing no time and again has not helped matters. Now, I have heard countless times that its just a numbers game and that I need to keep trying!. I dont think people appreciate how hard that becomes after a point. I also find it unfair that many women seem to regard a man of my age who has never been in a relationship to be weird or creepy. I also feel that the game (sorry if you dont agree with that term....) happens to be rigged, as it seems that a women can sense when a man is at a low point and does not care to be involved with him. I know this from experience. Unfortunately, this only leads to further feelings of rejection and loneliness, which leads to more rejection, and so on. You see how the cyclical pattern develops here, yes? So...how to break what has become a more than twenty year cycle? How to simply drop all that baggage and somehow start fresh? The few occasions upon which I have heard yes have brought fleeting joy, only to be brought low once again when I realize that I was being played for a fool (read: Stood up). Thats probably unfair of me. I have been out on a few dates...they led nowhere, but still... Those who never understood my depression may now have a touch more insight. Coupled with paranoia and outrage over the criminal activities of our government and the general state of the world today, its difficult to find much hope. My Lord Jesus Christ is the only shining light in what would otherwise be a long, dark tunnel. His promise gives me the strength to carry on another day, but I often stumble and occasionally fall. Even still, Im afraid I have no answers to my dilemma and I find that I am growing weary with the heaviness in my heart. There is someone for everyone is a quote that Ive heard oft-repeated, but have seen little evidence of. Thats it. My rant is done. Make of it what you will, consider me as you like, ignore me if you must. Ill not apologize for feeling what I feel, nor for being the only Kim I know how to be. As a wise old sailor once said I am what I am.
Posted on: Sat, 02 Nov 2013 14:52:58 +0000
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