I believe anyone who reads this quick anecdote will find value and maybe even a bit of calm in relation to any situation in which they might currently be engaged. I wanted to take some important items to my office this weekend so that I might be able to finally settle in. Diploma, Finance books, inspirational books (all from my parents, a few nice framed photos, etc. I had to go through some stowed-away boxes in my garage- to take inventory. Obviously after a few years you forget what kind of things you had back then. Long story short, I found some great books: Import/Export: How to Take Your Business Across Borders, The Value of Debt: strategy-based accounting, and then the feel-good” reads: The Power of Habit: Really cool insights into the multiplier effect of forming positive habits at work, Before You Say “I do”- cute book for couples preparing to wed… definitely reading that one again… but it was the last book that really caught my attention: Controlling Your Anger Before It Controls You. My curiosity was piqued because, in all honesty, over the past 3 years I have noticed a marked shift in my temper. I don’t consider myself someone who just explodes, not at all, but I do find myself allowing hurt, resentment, anger, shame, etc, to build up inside me until it has to be released somehow…I flipped to a random chapter and read. Chapter 3 discussed expectation management. When things are not going the way we envisioned, it can be said that our expectations are not being met. At least not entirely. But the degree to which our expectations weren’t met is of little importance. What IS important is that we truthfully (say that word slowly) examine ourselves. We (Myself included) tend to blame others for whatever tough spot we’re in. That get’s us nowhere. It leaves us miserable. In effect what we’re doing is sulking in resentment, and, simultaneously creating a NEW expectation of what should happen next. I’m being long-winded. All I’m saying is: Whatever is going wrong in your life, barring a medical illness or something completely out of your control, stop examining it from the standpoint of a victim. Be honest with yourself and see your part. This is not new information. This isn’t supposed to be groundbreaking. But I find that I have better success with this principle if I am in constant practice. KEY ASSUMPTIONS WE MAKE WHEN EXPERIENCING A PERIOD OF INCREASED STRESS: We need to be perfect to be happy. When I am upset, it is the responsibility of others to comfort me. When others harm me, it is intentional. When I harm others, it is a mistake. The more intense my pain or discomfort, the less the rules apply to me. I deserve to be taken care of by others. Others must carry burdens for me. I am angry. No one else has the right to be.
Posted on: Tue, 20 Jan 2015 02:58:08 +0000
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