I cant sleep (again, or maybe because i am not resorting to valium or antihistamines). Surprisingly, theres a cockroach lurking inside my room. And just the thought of it can keep me awake all the time. However, since I believe that I am an optimistic person, I do see a silver lining in my most unfortunate condition. I have formed an insight! *applause* The fact that I cannot see the cockroach (which is now hiding somewhere under my bed) does not console me much into sleeping. My agitation upon not seeing the cockroach is the same, if not more, than upon beholding its grotesque being. You see, its like being scared of the certainty of something but being more afraid of its uncertainties. Lets take death for example. Most of us are afraid of death, of its imminence. We (I very much included) are very much aware that death is inevitable, that it will eventually strike us even at the most inconvenient time. This thought is much too morbid really. However,there is something more to fear of death than its certainty--its uncertainties. Yes, some people find it an adventure to explore the great unknown. But even the most daring spirit has moments of doubt and anxiety. Some people claim that they are not afraid to die. Well, they may be telling the truth but I know for sure that deep inside theres that fear of not knowing what the occurrence of death might bring. Its just like a good diver contemplating whether to jump or not into an unexplored body of water. There is that dilemma in him not because he does not know how to swim, but because he does not know for sure whether there are certain creatures of the deep that are awaiting his immersion. This is the same anxiety every one of us must face in this game of life. Now, according to Fr. Roque Ferriols (yes, I was paying attention to our Philosophy class), one must go back to the concrete fullness of the original insight. So, lets check out the cockroach insight one more time. Im scared of the certainty of the presence of the cockroach. It just reminds me that my room can be invaded by creepy, crawling things that I hate so much; much like the certainty of death reminding me that my physical existence is not eternal. On the other hand, the uncertainty of the exact location of the cockroach right now scares me more. The fact that I dont specifically know where it is terrifies me because I wouldnt know where and when to expect it to attack, or if it would attack me at all; just as the uncertainty of what death brings and when it might strike scares the living daylights out of me. ^_^
Posted on: Thu, 24 Apr 2014 07:46:12 +0000
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