I have been working on 500 piece puzzles these past weeks and I felt God so strongly speak to me. While working on these crazy, but awesome, challenges, I felt like at times in my life from the past were just moments where I did not do anything but just wait. Very similar to when I am paused for a few moments to even a few days looking for the right piece to put in place. And when the right piece falls into place, then it is like a rushing gust of wind blowing all the other pieces together that just align so smoothly. Funny, I remember when I was 19 and leaving my mothers home. I did not know where I was going, but I went. And went I did with no money, no family, no nothing but a beat up old station wagon that was stolen at a mall a year later. I was able to see myself grow in so many areas. I saw how I embraced the fear that came parallel with courage. Several years later, those same attributes that compliment each other helped me leave Texas for California where God... God just blew my mind in discipleship. Though I did not finish the program, I promised myself that I would return home to help my mother and go back to school and not quit anything I put my heart into with passion and belief. I returned to school and completed a community college program in one year exactly. I did not know what it was to not be in school everyday. But then God led me to Florida to spend time with great friends who know me well and I was able to finish an undergraduate program. I never thought that I would have been able to have completed school, but I was able to. And for it, I am really happy. Now, I have been in Korea for over three years and have seen even more growth in me that words cannot even begin to describe. Friends from back home who knew me, know me, and will see me in the future would have minor strokes in what the LORD my God has done in me. Are there still challenges? Of course! I would be a liar if not to accept the challenges, hardships, and struggles to build character, contentment, and perseverance. Seeing and reflecting on my life from the past, I see how there were times where I was just paused looking for the right piece to fix something, to help change something, to make amends for the curse in my family. What took years of cultivated cursing after cultivated cursing has now become places of peace, understanding, and forgiveness. I was angry, resentful, and bitter in the past. And in these past weeks I was becoming angry, bitter, and resentful again and I did not know why? I was becoming what I was and I did not like it. And why would such information be disclosed? Would forgiveness be kept from the brokenhearted that they would continue a perpetual cycle of self-hate, self-condemnation, self-defeat? No! May it not be kept hidden from those who have been delivered from such cursed thinking! For it was me who needed to remember that God, the LORD God of Israel, saved me from myself. It is He Who continues to put the pieces together when you... you may not feel anything. Nothing! How do you know when God is your friend? When no one is around and you are all alone fighting your way from becoming angry again. That is how you know God is for you. When He asks that you be still so He may fight for you.
Posted on: Mon, 06 Oct 2014 12:01:34 +0000
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