I have gone through life with a very deeply identified mental sense of self that has been based on what is wrong with the world. This year I have been going through the gradual process of realizing that this sense of identity will no longer serve me if I am to truly fulfill my purpose in this world. The challenge of all this is that in my mind, I have always thought that fulfilling my purpose meant fixing the world somehow. Can I embody my true self if I let go of all that? I KNOW that I can... but I know this, really, in my heart, rather than in my mind. I read somewhere that the heart has millions of actual brain cells in it, so I guess the knowing is real, whatever that means. It is very deeply challenging to me to let go of seeing what is wrong, because I have always felt that I could somehow make things better by seeing them as less than ok. I am learning, however, that my insistence that something is wrong, and the sense of identity that goes along with it, perpetuates my experience of suffering in life, rather than alleviating it. Surely this process will continue... will it ever be finished? Is there a point, some kind of threshold, where I pass out of this old paradigm into this new one? Can that point be defined? I suppose that ultimately, that point is NOW. The Now as I type this, the Now as you read it, and the Now when I go back and read this later. I wanted to be able to define it, because then I could share it with everyone and that definition would somehow become the thing that would fulfill the mental purpose I have pursued for so long. Letting go of this is hard, but I know that I am somehow supported through this process as I experience it. Supported by what, I do not know... at least, not with my mind. I love you all.
Posted on: Thu, 07 Nov 2013 21:45:43 +0000
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