I have not been out shopping or doing much on my own in a long time. I have been fortunate to have friends or family with me, to help, lift, drive, keep up with my purse, keys, phone, you name it, I have been extremely sheltered for more months than I had realized. I decided to take off to Jackson yesterday, no big deal right? Think again!!! I went to Pennys, shopped, and was quite proud of myself for no impulse buying, or straying off the plan. Then I drove to Sams, parked, and realized that the store was packed. I was patting myself on the back for being smart, and for leaving my big purse hidden in the Tahoe, and just put my license, money and Sams card in a small wallet with a shoulder strap, and cell phone in my jacket pocket. I felt I had everything tucked and tidy, and breezed through my shopping. I needed an employee to assist me with my purchases, and push the large flat heavy cart then help me load. I had a very nice young man, that was courteous and polite, and very patient, especially since I could not remember where I parked. I swear every other car was a white SUV. Well after several laps with this nice employee, who was starting to sweat, and myself very winded, we finally found my car. Looking into my small purse to give him a tip, I realized that something was missing. I smiled, he was looking at his watch, and I am turning my pockets out looking for my keys, I must of had that deer in the headlight look, and I could tell that he was thinking, of all the nice old ladies, why did I get this one, that looks like she is gonna go postal on me. I did everything right getting out, or so I thought. But I sure did everything wrong trying to get in!!!! I had left my keys in my big purse when I locked the Tahoe, so smug and thinking I really was one smart cookie. Well..... the cookie crumbled! Right there.... in this order.... felt asthma attack coming on, no big deal I will use my inhaler, oh, that too was in the big purse. My voice left me, and all I could get out was a whistle, that was when this sweet boy leaps over my pile of purchases, trips, and I was trying to hold him up, while he is trying to set me down, which he did successfully in a cold oil spill. This awkward dance between the young and old, attracted much attention, and in a split second, we had company, a LOT of company. People are in the holiday spirit, this time of year, and they all wanted to get on the good list, and decided helping me and my new best friend in the blue vest was the best way to do it. I remember a woman that was holding my head, and talked more than I did, that is if I could talk. Next as I am trying to calm down and breath, while admiring the colors in the oil spill and wandering whose foot was stepping on my new scarf, I looked up and had the pleasure of viewing a nice holster and gun, and thought to myself, why does this person have so many do-dads on his belt. Well the kind policeman talked softly to me, and not so softly to the lady that was now nearly laying beside me, and talking about, the beach, music,cats, and anything else that she thought was calming to hear. If I could had gotten her off of me, and spoke , I would had told her that I was very allergic to cats, and I thought that the cat hair on her black coat, was not helping my situation. Mr. Good Cop was asking if could he break my window, I am nodding yes, then someone that had the sense to get my cell phone and look for my emergency contacts, handed him my phone, I could swear as I was wishing I was heading into the light, that he mentioned Jeffs name, than, POW.... no more passenger window. While officer Do Right, is rummaging through my purse, I could hear angels singing in a high pitched almost like a siren sound..... oh, it was a siren, and I think it was playing my song. Somehow my inhaler, passed many hands before it got to me, and when it was soooo close to my lips, my kind new fellow pavement hugger, took it!!! OK I thought just before near blacking out, shes a nurse, Nope, wrong, just a good ol country gal that liked to lay next strangers in the parking lot, ( I had preferred sitting, but I had no more control over the situation, than a rag doll.) She stuck the inhaler in my mouth and I swear she used duct tape to hold it in place while she thought FIVE was the magical number of long pumps that was needed. By this time I now have over hyperventilated and all I felt was tingling in hands and feet, while they are curling up, I believe my oxygen level was 100% and climbing, The jitters set in, and my body movements were not a pretty sight! Thank God, all I remembered before, I wet my pants, Yes... by this time I am not leaving anything out! You could say, I added a rainbow to the oil spill....quite lovely.My new friend was being lifted OFF of me by a nice ambulance man, and before, I knew it, I was laying on a comfortable surface, with a clean sheet. I felt safe, but then a new panic sat in as I rolled past my new fans of strangers. My Christmas shopping, who took it, and my now broken window.... OK I thought.... if I was going to have a heart attack, at least I had my own private medical team ready to assist. Vitals checked out fine, I was asked every question, who was the President, what year was it, did I know where and who I was. oh and can we see your insurance card please. I passed the test, I did not get a gold star, I got a nice lecture on over inhaling, and was told that my new lady friend was knocking on the door.....Did they need her to follow to the hospital? I heard a firm, NO from them, and then they heard a firm shaky NO from me, first I was OK, just embarrassed, and I did not want to go to the hospital, Then just when I thought I was loosing the battle, my Prince arrived, (covered in mud, he had been digging up drain pipes, when they called) All was going to be fine, there was Jeff and I felt like I was off scott free. Nope! I had my lecture.... how many times have I been told not to leave my inhaler, lock my keys in the car, and did I not even think about On-Star???? Well needless to say, it was quite a day, Jeff found my merchandise, saw his Christmas gift and more items than I wanted him to, and wouldnt you know. those nice Sams employees put all my frozen and diary purchases back, Plus we were due at a Christmas dinner with all our Keepsake family, and Jeff was muddy and I was soaked. He left his car in parking lot, and we drove home with thousands of little black glass shards all around us, oh and a beautiful cardboard window taped in bright red duck tape, very festive looking. After more lectures, a shower, and off to some very good food and company, looking just a tad bit pale, and shaky, played Dirty Santa, song a few Christmas songs, off key, I thought to myself.... Darlene you really handled all that chaos and confusion very well, and I felt quite pleased with myself......until I heard Jeff say that being married to me is like living in an I LOVE LUCY sitcom! I dont think he meant it in a good way, but I am not gonna let it upset me, or keep me from driving off by myself. I now have a new extra Tahoe key, and it is to stay on my person whenever I park, even if it has to be worn as a necklace, and the inhaler, well, lets just say, I am to carry my big purse with me, EVERYWHERE!!!! Well I have just about wrote a book, about a simple trip to Jackson. I am getting sleepy so I guess I better grab my purse and hang it on the bedpost, and get some much needed sleep. I just never know what tomorrows sitcom will play out. Good Night dear friends,and I wish each one of you a Very Merry Christmas!! Oh by the way, Jeff just loves his new Bose headphones.... he saw them while restocking the car at Sams. My punishment is, he got his present early and is flaunting it in my face. But thats OK, when he is wearing them, and listening to whatever, I am not being lectured.... I hope he keeps them on until Christmas!
Posted on: Mon, 22 Dec 2014 08:10:55 +0000
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