I often cry, I get excited, I share gratitudes, fears, and triumphs. I share my scariest stuff, and enjoy pushing my vulnerable edges, but if you could only read one of my posts ever, this is the one I want to share with the world... Tonight, at the party to introduce my family to my DC family (tribe) I asked one of my favorite people if she would read the first chapter of my book, out loud, and invited over anyone who wanted to listen (a part of me is still afraid that it is not any good, that no one will like it) surprisingly, everyone at the party came over to listen, including my sons. I got some very amazing feedback, some really touching tears and gratitudes and oos and awes, but what touched me most of all, what just wiped years of questioning and guilt away was what my youngest son said in the car on the way home. I asked Riley if he liked the chapter, he said, Like it?! I loved it!! and then proceeded to share something that I had never even imagined something could touch me this deep.... He said, It made me want to write my own book, How moving to California changed my life and after all the stories in my head, and all of the guilt my mom and myself and others have put on me, of ruining the boys life for 3 years for dragging them to California, I expected more of that, but instead, Riley shared something I didnt even remember, that then changed everything for me, and I am still blown away, having a hard time typing I am feeling SO much!!! Riley said, You asked me a question, when I was nine, we were, driving out to California, and you asked, Are you ok with nudity? I didnt know what answer you wanted to hear, so I asked YOU if you were ok with it, and you said, Yes, so that was the when I first opened my mind to new ideas, I figured if you were ok with nudity, I could at least think about being ok with it. So thank you for taking us to California, because if you hadnt, you would have never asked me that question, and my mind wouldnt be what it is now, I would never have come to realize what really matters in life. Thank you! I dont know how, but it made me smarter, opened my mind in one way, which then made me smarter in every way. THAT came out of the mouth of a 13 year old, of MY 13 year old, and all the guilt and questioning of being a good parent or not, melted away. My son sees me, his whole world opened up because I dared to step into something new. If hearing and discussing a chapter of my book brings about a discussion like this, I know I need to finish it and share it. But for tonight, I have never felt so close to my son as I do in this moment, he just shared the deepest things I have ever heard from him, and I see that me being me has truly helped him find the ways to be him, AND that he really really loves me. I dont know if these tears of gratitude will ever stop.but tonight I welcome them, I love, I am pure joy.
Posted on: Thu, 10 Jul 2014 03:12:15 +0000
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