I telled you about a story of how legs were putted at over 180 degrees after I boughted a fridge of air a few months back . A few months later, I wanted to pull the same stunt but little did I know that all days are not Saturdays. Just like that persons of fridge, there is another persons who had the tendency of drinking me and losting. Same style and same design until I almost thoughted they were twin sisters. This persons, despite putting it on head for other people that I eve know completely refused to put it for me for no apparent good reason. I say that because I am no lesser man; I have a josto, kwanza zig zag in shape, I leave money for fare on the table and just like many men, I wake up to go home before dawn. Like what the sungura mjanja used to say when unable to reach fruits, I used to say, maybe she is cold and water water, maybe fish is much there, thats why she refuses to put it on head. But in head, I never gave up. I wanted to be a witness of cold and water water too if indeed it was coldness that was making her refuse to put it on head for me. I saided after all, it is a condition that is possessed by many yet it does not kill them or make them lesser persons. One Friday evening, we were beating dogogio with Theuri and Akuku at Magomano. Each of them had a persons, I didnt. But for a good reason. In my pocket, I had less than 5 k which you all know is not even half enough to complete entertaining a decent persons: Buying dogogio with manners like Tusker Light or Malt, paying room and leaving money for fare. 5k can only buy dogogio and meat, then kwisha maneno, persons shifts to the next buyer. Such small money can only be enough if the persons come from Far east or Githurai, can comfortably drink Bluemoons without folding face and also agree to go to rooms of 800 bob, not complain when you only leave 500 bob for fare. Since I did not have a persons and could not afford anyway, I was drawing how I will go for that massage of Ngara to be milked with only 1500-2000 full board. Suddenly, a whastapp message entered. It was this same persons that drink and refuse to put it on head. She asked me where I was. I telled her in town. My phone then rang. It was her calling now. Wiku Munene wa Njoka? (Where are you leader of Minyoo) Ndi Magomano no nikuma ndirauma o riu riu (I am at Magomano but removing now now) So that she does not come. She telled me Ndi haha stage ya Tusker reke njuke, ona hari undu ndirenda twarie wa fata muno (I am here stage of Tusker, let me come. There is something I want us to talk, something very important) I wanted to tell her no please, lets talk day time but since I find it hard to refuse anything, I telled her jokingly Akorwo nitukuhaicana uka, no akorwo thuruari no ugathite, ndugoke please. Mukio uria ndinaguo ndungijitikiria kuona thurari na ndimitige. Kaba njurage mundu (If we will climbana, come, but if thuruari you have still tighted, please dont come. The standing that I have, cannot allow me to see thuruari and leave it, better I kill somebody). In head, I knew the money I had planned for massage was going to be drinked by her. I turned to Theuri and telled her gakware karia karenda guka kanyue arafu kandige uria kandigaga. Nawe kau to nikarimiigirira mutwe, ndikahaica kinya mato karinyonaga gagakira fara mukira ucio ungi nikumena (That Quail want to come drink and she losts as usual. I swear one she will put it on head, I will climb her even ears, she will be seeing me and crossing on the other side of road so that we dont meet eye to eye because of the way she will have hated me) When she came and sat, I asked her why she refused even to let me even rub rubithia josto even if its on top, or head to enter only small coz its like she vowed never to put it on head for me. She smiled and telled me Wanjohi ndingirega gukuhe niwe utoi kuhoya ikus (Wanjohi I cant refuse to give you, its you you dont know how to borrow ikus) I asked her if there is another formula apart from buying dogogio and meat of burnt. She looked at me me with folded face and saided Hau niho uhitagiria tondu nie ndiri kairetu ka college. Twa college nituo tunyuaga njohi tugekuo o uguo fuaaa. Nie nindaumira kuu (Thats where you err because those that do that are college pupils. Those that get climbed ovyo ovyo. I am long off that stage) I telled her what I dont even climb those that dont know how to clean tiita, I like people who can give me busines ideas we do. Then asked her t brighten me other ways of borrowing mature persons. After a small pensive, she saided Akorwo ni ukwenda ikus umuthi umuthi, Iko uguo i, ta njethera miti itano ya kiama rucio nawe ikus ni riaku kinya ndai ithire. Rucio ndina kiama na ndiri ona! Ona okorwo ni thiri Cohi witu (If you want Ikus today today, do this, look for me 5k of chama tomorrow, and you, ikus will be yours till all threads are finished. I have a chama kesho and I have nothing. Even if its a debt Cohi of ours) In head, I knew that I cant even have a dream giving her the 5k coz of tiita. I buy tiitas for 2k and room is paid and massage is done all over my body, but not 5k, then I buy dogogio and pay room. Not Onjohi. I was about to go to Satans when a thought came and whispered to me in ear give her 5k of air. You are clever. INfact make it 10 if you want 180 fopr free I looked at her straight in the eye and telled her Ona ngukuhutithia miti iku? ikumi witikie ndiii sawa!!. Kwanja mieru mieru straight kuma central bank icoretuo uhuru. Ndina mbia ta ngoma (Even I will give you ten k so that you believe I am there. Infact new new straight from CEntral bank, drawn Uhuru. I have money like satan) She smiled and knowing what I am capable of, she telled me Nikio nguiraga ugakua ndi mbafu. Wikuo ta ndata. Hutithia miti iyo ikumi wauga thaa ici njikare nacio. Sawa? Niukuiu ndakuonire utuku. Wi wakwa matu na hia (Aki you will die when I am bathing. You are there like dust. Give me that 10k you saided. Si you know I saw you at night! You are mine ears and horns) I removed wallet which had only 5k. I looked up in the ceiling as if to try to imagine where money has gone. Small, I telled her that I will remove for her from the ATM because what I had there was less than what she required yet I had a small bill to clear. She looked at my eyes and saw it was full of lies. She telled me Nengera ATM njikare nayo basi (Give me your ATM I live with it then) I removed wallet again and when I was about to give her Nationhela ATM, which is prepaid and works once a month, she peeped and saw two others, one of COOP bank and another one of Stan-chart. Her head telled her that Stan-chart is for the rich and it must be having alot of money. She snatched it from me and putted in her porch. Let dogogoi come, let dogogio come, even rounds from Theuri who had vowed never to buy her again because she only drinks and losts. Small, it was past mid night until she refused to know herself, and even allowing me to touch touch and also her touching touching me. But in head, there was something that was disturbing me. How to steal my ATM from her. I had a lot of fear because she had repeated several times as we were beating dogogio that she will be the one to insert ATM and also look at the balance inside so that if its more, I add more to boost her business of selling clothes of Easich, though they lie that it is from Turkey. In my head, I knew that if she ever saw the balance, she would never attain orgasm for next ten years by just imagined Stanchart ATM. You dont expect a leader with an account with Stanchart to maintain a negative balance. Those small balances are only supposed to be found at Equity, COOP, Family and other small banks of small people, not Stanchard. In head, I knew that if she happened to peep and see DR 87,520.58, she would faint and refuse to wake up for one full week. We drinked and drinked until in my pocket I had remained like only Kshs. 1,800. I started to do mathematics of room b ecause thats what only mattered to me. So that we dont drink more, I telled her we remove to room. It is this us, until Princess hotel next to Magomano, the hotel where Uncle Ubako used to beat dogogio sometimes back with John Keen. I removed 800 bob, paid and we were given keys. As we were taking the stairs, she almost started to remove clothes on the way to room because of near orgasms state of pressing Stanchard ATM later after muclimbano she was going to experience. Inside room, legs were putted at 180. I went ten meters to first see for myself it it was true or dreaming. I pinched myself and was not dreaming. In slow motion, I moved until top, then pointed Josto on tiita and nywee, it inserted. I cant really remember how it tasted or whether it was cold or water water because all my mind was later diverted before it was all in, on how I would steal my ATM back from and chiefly, to avoid embarrassment of getting that negative balance. But let me say that it helped me a great deal because my FAPORETism did not manifest itself there. All my thoughts were elswhere all through, thereby living without pouring piu piu until she experiencing multiple pours as the leader was thinking of how to steal his ATM. After first joti, as I have telled you before, one joti is always more than enough for me. I am never in competition with anyone on how many times to pour. I have poured many times and I have not seen direct benefit from pouring. One is always enough for me. And by the way, we are many. Dont be fooled by those that say that they wented 6 jostis. Even if you are getting paid, 6 is not a number one can achieve, willingly or forced. You need to be a full time idler to achiever that. Joti 6? Lie is bad! I was now laying there trying to come up with a very intelligent lies this world has ever produced but where. She was also laying there waooing her first sight of a zig zag and refusing to know why other many men she had met before did not possess a zig like mine. She fondled it, trying to wake it up but where. Small, I telled her something not easily to be bought Fanya ivi, nipatie hio ATM nikimbie nitoe pesa nikam, arafu josto ikuwe imepata psyche tena. Aki ire mperekee nitakupereka after this, iroruha uroruhaa.. na kunyotoka piu piu Either she heard me say otherwise or she saw like she was about to be hit by lightening because of mu jumpire she jumped with from bed. In less than ten seconds, she had bathed tiita and putted on clothes and telled me we go remove and return together. In head, I knew I was finished. We removed from room and went straight to Stanchart Moi Avenue. Head telled me if she insisted on inserting herself as she had saided earlier, I should give wrong PIN. I didnt have an option after all. When we entered the hall, she removed the ATM and asked me my PIN. I gave her a wrong pin. It saided wrong pin. I gave her the same one. Same thing. 3rd time, it was swallowed. When it was swallowed, I behaved like I was about to say the loudest mbu ever saided in town. I telled her with anger Ngaifafa ndugakorwo niwamerithia ATM iyo? OOOhhhhNOOOOO. Guku ATM kumerio,ni mutino munene muno. Muooo! Ngai. Ni maundu mariku maya riu. Irihagio ngiri ithano penaLty. Ndakuhe PIN kai urekira iriku? Ushoo nanu!! Weka uguo niki ma riu? Umenye riu ngakuhe ithano to niwerengithia ithano. Niwahitiria muno! (Jeso, dont say you have swallowithiad my ATM. In this bank, it is bad luck to swallowithia an ATM. God, what are these things nowwww!! Each swallowed ATM is charged 5k. Why did you do that? I am giving you pin and you are putting what? Aushoo. Know that I will now give you 5k tomorrow when I retrieve that ATM coz you are the course. You have done me bad) She appeared so remorseful until I felt tha for her. I telled her that because it is her who has made it be swallowed, I will not give her 10k but 5k tommorow of that day when I retrieved ATM. She saided its ok. She did not even have the guts to tell me to try my other two ATMs. In my pocket I had a k remaining. I telled her we go drink two because with that disappointing incidence, my tree cant stand again. We walked until the club which used to house Hornbil of town long time and took two two and went home. Tomorrow of that day, let me say I did not pick any phone from her. One week passed and two weeks passed. No picking calls and no returning messages. A month later, as I was swinging bells in River road, I bumped into her. She came to me telled me to give her the money I promised or she say mbu. I smilled albeit fearfully and asked her that who can say mbu because of money of tiita. She telled me she is broke I give her something. I removed wallet and gave her a K and we parted. A week later, she smsed and telled me she is broke. I telled her me too. She smsed me that I owed her 4 k. I did not reply. After that, I refused to pick her phones again. She started to sms and threatened to come to the office and say mbu infornt of all staffs and clients. Thats the only time I replied, by texting back....lol Tow weeks ago and mid Njanuary, I was cooling bells in the office refusing to know where money of dogogio will come from because it was Friday and only bells could be touched in my pockets. I was about to call my friend Mwangi Wanjeri of Safari Batteries to see if he can buy me a few dogogios when I was telled there was my client at the reception looking for me. Receptionist asked if the client should come it or I go was to see her at the reception. I saided they be let it. I refused to know why she asked me whether to come in or not coz its automatic but later, I was to know that she was breathing fire like Hippopotamus at the reception. When door was opened, I first did not look who had come it because I had to pretend that I was so busy on my computer so that a client can remove more money for disturbing a busy client. Slowly, I lifted head to look up and welcome the client. On lifting eyes up, I met this persons, with red eyes, breathing as if she was gasping for air and biting her lips. On seeing who was standing there, my mouth dried there there. I saided in faint voice Sasa Monicaaa In loud voice, she saided Sasa twarira maraya maku. Wahaicie utari kinya condom na ndurenda kunengera mbeca niki. Ni urandiha kana ndurandiha (Take your sasas to your trappers. You climbed me even without makobosto and you dont want to pay why? Are you paying or not I saw all people in the room and neighboring rooms stand up and turn attention to us. Not wanting any drama, I telled her Horera ngurehere o riu priz!! (come down I bring now now please) In my pocket, I could only feel bells. My colleagues too. I removed out like lightening until three floors down until an mpesa shop I regularly transact. Panting hard and to make it look like it was a matter of death, I telled the persons in hurried voice... Ebu nipatie 4k apo nakurudishia saa hii. Haraka priz By the grace of the almighty, she did not return. She bended and counted 4 k and gave me without asking me what time I will return. Like a persons who had just struck gold, I took the stairs running again until office. I found her seated and not panting. No one was speaking in the whole room. I gave her 4k and as if she expected me to cheat, she counted one by one, confirming if there were some fake notes inserted. Once she confirmed, she closed one eye on me and did a sign with hand of I will call you. I did not close back but with heart, I showed her middle finger. You would want to know what I explained to my colleagues when she left. Its a long story but to cut it long, I telled them that she had my stomach and wanted to remove and had refused to give her money to remove. No one bought the story. But the most depressing thing is that she shouted about climbing without makobosto which was a lie. I putted makobosto. True. She now made everyone in the office to tout me with... Wanjohi wahaicire utari condom na niurarega kugura raji Our receptionish, on her facebook following day read.. Next time you do without a condom & you don wanna pay, make sure she knows not your office. O) And surprisingly, my last whatsapp 16:31 Sasa cohi.. today is you is to buy me akoho? I have returned an sms with strength like Jommo Kenyatta Ira gati* kau kariguragiruo njohi ni nyina, ni Cohi
Posted on: Fri, 31 Jan 2014 15:39:04 +0000
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