I think about that night. We were half way to the hospital when I - TopicsExpress

I think about that night. We were half way to the hospital when I noticed Cheyanne was crying and asked why. She didn’t want you to die. I hadn’t even thought of that. I thought that if this massive train didn’t kill you outright that you would be okay. I anticipated brain injury and was resolved to caring for you any way I had to. When the doctor was telling us they had done all they could I heard that it would now be up to us to care for you. I looked down at your broken and bruised body wordlessly begging you to come back. The expression on my face would have been intense. If that was the last you saw of me did you think it one of anger? That sometimes haunts me. I was prepared to do anything to bring you back to health, even if it meant spoon feeding you the rest of your life. I know that with your spirit of adventure that that would have been no life for you at all but I also know that with your strength of spirit you would have lived your life to the fullest that you had no matter what that looked like. And so I go on. I’m losing weight and moving forward. I can’t live your life for you but I can live mine better and thereby honor yours. The sorrow will never leave and I don’t feel that it needs to as long as the baggage of guilt and such gets on a different flight. I’ll do my best to love and accept those still with me on their merits and not on the condition that they do things my way. I’ll fail at times but I’ll succeed more as time goes by. I love you Ty. I love you Chelsea. I love you Levi. I love you Cheyanne. I love you Joy. You are my breath.

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