I want to say two seemingly contradictory points. The contradiction talks to the complexities of the dynamics of love, relationships, marriages and patriarchy. I always say we will never fully understand things if we dont appreciate the paradoxes they come with. 1. The Wife is not a Victim Part of the problem in many love triangles is that we (society) often view and treat the wife as the victim. I think we shouldnt, Ill tell you why. Most married women would tell you how well they know their husbands. How they can tell when something has changed, when he is worried, stressing etc, they can pick up all the subtleties around their husbands behaviours, habits and movements. As such most wives, believe it or not can tell when hubby has a mistress. Most wives do confront their husbands about the affair and most wives choose to stay. And choosing to stay after confirmation of an affair or multiple affairs is choice, a choice that I have come to understand over time (leaving is not always the solution). So the argument is that let us treat the wife as a fully functioning person who can make conscious choices and decisions. She is not a victim of the mistress and the mistress is not the villain. 2. Yes the wife is a victim It can be argued again that the wife is the victim but not in the sense I have described above. She is a victim in the same way that the mistress is the victim too. They are both victims of an unfortunate, humiliating and dignity striping patriarchal system that forever favours the man. A system that no matter how we look at it women in this game, in this system, in this society are always victims. What women need to do in this game is to first understand the game. The wife and the mistresd must understand that they are in fact in the same boat. That they are not the enemy of each other. Once they grasp that it would therefore be clearer who and what the enemy is (I put inverted comas because the enemy is not the enemy) I will pause here. Take your time...
Posted on: Tue, 28 Oct 2014 06:57:39 +0000