Id like to end tonight by talking about how my hetero/cis friends can be allies to the Trans* community. The staff at Victory Fund asked me how to get more Trans* people politically involved. My answer was You need more educated Allies. We would all be more active if we had some of them in our lives. I came to describe the time I had started publicly Identifying as male in July 2012 through the Nicole Lefavour campaign and the amazing staff who strongly supported me in my beginning stages of transition. In my political career, I met what would be my strongest Allies. Before I continue, its extremely important to point this out: Trans* people idolize all the things cis people take for granted. As a Transman things like shaving, wearing a tie, and standing to pee are very important traits. Holding doors and being called male pronouns literally, takes my confidence to a whole new level. For Transwomen, its the other way around- hair and makeup, clothes, posture, walking, and periods are important. **Not every Trans* person wants to do/learn about all of these things, these are examples, and the list is different for everyone** One of my friends tells a story where she knew someone who was Trans* She felt her friend wanted all of her time and attention because they had a crush on her. That couldnt have been further from the truth. The Transwoman responded with I didnt have a crush on you, I wanted to BE you! Sometimes, thats the best way to explain it. We all try so hard to notice every detail of the people who respect us the most, because those are the people we feel safest asking questions of. Usually the respect we have for these allies can be compared to a cisgenders parental or sibling relationships. We look up to them, and being around these people, just being in their presence, makes us feel more confident. The last people to usually support us are our families. Its HARD to see someone you knew for so long undergo a change you may or may not have seen coming. When WE come out, we want everyone to change on the spot, but its a process and it takes time. I love my support system - men and women from all spectrums of the LGBTQA community. In this community theres varying levels of support, and a handful who have been taught and trained to Rescue me. There are others that I can just call and say hey lets hang out, and theres some who are just like me, who need to ask the difficult questions. Just like my friends friend above, theres a few men I want to BE LIKE. I have a wall of quotes from these men, and I try to learn and absorb as much as I can from them. The strongest ally is the man I most respect who has stood by me for as long as I have known him, and who has pushed me to work harder and do better. That man has also sat with me for innumerable hours giving advice- both asked for and not [thanks!] to help me be a better person. No one is perfect, and theres varying levels of support, but we all need that guy [or multiple guys] who are willing to be authentic and will let us ask those deep probing questions. Anyone can be an Ally. Consider observing Day of Silence with me next month - April 11th.
Posted on: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 03:51:39 +0000
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