In a dystopian future (a very mild dystopian future. Very, very mild. Like, whole milk milld...) Anyways, in this mild dystopian future, companies that produce breakfast cereals will gain a lot of power. Like, a lot. I mean, were talking world government. Okay, maybe not, you know, WORLD government, but definitely bigger than, like, New Jersey. Or at least Hackensack. So okay, these small countries each have their own breakfast cereal empires, and they make a lot of money by taxing people for eating their cereals. Youd think this would lead to people NOT eating breakfast cereals, right? But no, people are strange, and oddly counter-intuitive, and anyways these companies hire people who are really good at using social media. Really good. Like, getting Eskimos to buy ice-makers in January good. But some countries, you know, they outlaw these cereals because they dont want to pay the taxes to these cereal companies. Hey look, I SAID its a dystopian future, all right? Just roll with it. But four cereals have become insanely popular. They are: 1) Life (Mikey likes it, so everyones else does too.) 2) Lucky Charms. 3) Trix. 4) Uncle Sam. And if youve ever eaten a bowl of this stuff, you know theres nothing boring about a bowl of Uncle Sam cereal. So anyway, the hero of our story, Farquarh Bloodpuddle (I SAID its a dystopian future! Weird names have reached their heinous apex!) has swagged a few boxes of delicious outlaw breakfast cereal. Hes sitting down to eat, just pouring the milk on when his door is busted in and hes hauled away by the jackbooted thugs of the State Association Dedicated to Stopping All Cereal Killers (SAD-SACK.) His breakfast is also taken into custody, but its transported in a different van and mysteriously disappears on the way to the detention center. Farquarh is in deep trouble. He hires the best lawyer he can afford, a public defender named Cash Billingford (in this dystopian future, you pay for your public defender. Its dystopian, things are messed up. Roll with it.) After a three-week show trial, Farq is tossed in a maximum security prison for twenty years, convicted of treason. Why? Because Frosted Lucky Charms, theyre tragically seditious.
Posted on: Mon, 27 Oct 2014 12:14:26 +0000
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