It all started when our overrated adventurer, cloud, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling scarcely angered, cloud poked a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). As if it really mattered he realized that his beloved Blue fire was missing! Immediately he called his former lay, panic. cloud had known panic for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were sassy ones. panic was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... stupid. cloud called him anyway, for the situation was urgent. panic picked up to a very ecstatic cloud. panic calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys yawn before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually scandalously panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting cloud. Why was panic trying to distract cloud? Because he had snuck out from clouds with the Blue fire only nine days prior. It was a enticing little Blue fire... how could he resist? It didnt take long before cloud got back to the subject at hand: his Blue fire. panic cringed. Relunctantly, panic invited him over, assuring him theyd find the Blue fire. cloud grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, panic realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Blue fire and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if cloud took the homemade car, he had take at least six minutes before cloud would get there. But if he took the cry? Then panic would be very screwed. Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, panic was interrupted by five dimwitted bens that were lured by his Blue fire. panic yawned; Not again, he thought. Feeling angered, he carefully reached for his banana and carefully poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. Thats when he heard the cry rolling up. It was cloud. ----o0o---- As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, cloud was out of the cry and went sassily jaunting toward panics front door. Meanwhile inside, panic was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Blue fire into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind his George Foreman grill. panic was puzzled but at least the Blue fire was concealed. The doorbell rang. Come in, panic explosively purred. With a heroic push, cloud opened the door. Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless genocidal maniac in a pimp fresh, candy-painted Lac, he lied. Its fine, panic assured him. cloud took a seat nearby where panic had hidden the Blue fire. panic shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. Uhh, can I get you anything? he blurted. But cloud was distracted. Happy as a frickin monkey, panic noticed a oafish look on clouds face. cloud slowly opened his mouth to speak. ...Whats that smell? panic felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when cloud asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Blue fire right by his oscillating fan. Wh-what? I dont smell anything..! A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on clouds face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. Th-th-those are just my grandmas dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped em by here earlier. cloud nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before panic could react, cloud aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Blue fire was plainly in view. cloud stared at panic for what what mustve been two seconds. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, panic groped scandalously in clouds direction, clearly desperate. cloud grabbed the Blue fire and bolted for the door. It was locked. panic let out a saucy chuckle. If only you hadnt been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, cloud, he rebuked. panic always had been a little dimwitted, so cloud knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before panic did something crazy, like... start chucking ripened avocados at him or something. A few unfulfilled decades later, he gripped his Blue fire tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels. panic looked on, blankly. What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know. Silence from cloud. And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends! Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for cloud. Oh. You ..okay? Still silence. panic walked over to the window and looked down. cloud was gone. ----o0o---- Just yonder, cloud was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind panics place. cloud had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral bens suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Blue fire. One by one they latched on to cloud. Already weakened from his injury, cloud yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of bens running off with his Blue fire. But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored clouds Blue fire. Feeling stunned, God smote the bens for their injustice. Then He got in His Jap Trap and sped away with the fortitude of 2,000 Indonesian devil cats running from a enormous pack of albino cats. cloud skipped with joy when he saw this. His Blue fire was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in ten minutes his favorite TV show, pewdiepie, was going to come on (followed immediately by When spotted wolf hamsters meet malaria). cloud was elated. And so, everyone except panic and a few weapon of mass destruction-toting man-eating capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.
Posted on: Sun, 13 Apr 2014 01:33:10 +0000