It is a point of immense frustration to me that I cannot share fully my thoughts and experiences. I have these feelings, these delicate thoughts, these intricate, detailed aspects of experience. I will never be able to fully express them such that I can be certain that anybody else ever has that same moment, that same evanescent blink of time. Ill have that with me, and only I will ever be able to experience the rapture of that moment. As I write, I listen to a beautiful piece of music. It is The Departure as composed by Michael Nyman. I attach the piece with one of my favorite movies, Gattaca, as it is played during the final moments of the film. It uplifts me in a way that is wholly unique. No other thing I have ever experienced gives me the same sense of hope, the same feeling of desire for exploration and evocation. There are similar ones, but nothing quite like this. If only I had the communicatory flair, the capability, to express the exact set of feelings I have at the moment, I would. Perhaps somebody else more experienced and more replete in literary thought would be able to do so, but even then, I feel as if some flaw, some omission would remain, and the feeling could not be replicated, even by the most dedicated mind. I cannot help but wonder if I am experiencing exactly the same feeling Mr. Nyman made creating this song. I feel it is unlikely. A major element of this piece for me is the very moment the movie portrays. Without it, I am sure I would feel some strong emotional response to it, but I fear it wouldnt be quite the same. In addition, I fear that another person, having a different background, a different response to the music, a different response to the film... that person would be unable to replicate this exact emotional state. They might not like the song, or perhaps theyd garner a different response to that moment in the movie. Theyd find the ending less hopeful than I would, or theyd focus on some other element of the plot that I find tertiary, and the whole effect would be lost. This makes me wonder that with so many individuals upon the planet, so many distinct personas, so many complex, vibrant individuals, I am missing out during my short life on this Earth. I shall never experience an infinite kaleidoscope of thoughts and emotions. I shall never experience those moments in their intricate beauty. Even if shared with me via music, art, or text, I can only hope to approximate the thoughts and feelings that others have, and Ill lose on some aspect of it. It is one of the components of this reality in which I feel most limited.
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 02:57:08 +0000
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