Last year, around this very time, I was overwhelmed with everything. I shut the world off. I shut myself off. I wouldnt talk. I wouldnt eat. I gave up on things. I carried my music and headphones with me wherever I went, and for three months a song repeatedly played in my head. I would literally sit in the dark, or in the car and just listen to it over and over. Because what else was I going to do. What was I doing. Where was I going. Its hard and you know everything is temporary, good and bad. Coming to that realization makes the world seem like a shadow cast by some brilliant light you dont get to examine until youre dead or half way there. And honestly I will admit that there is always going to be a feeling like that. For me. It doesnt really get better. There are just good days and not good days. Its just life. Life for me. I dont get over things easily. I dont let things go. I am a walking grenade and really its a matter of time before shrapnel ends up embedded in your skin as much as it has been in anyone else. Its just how long youre willing to tolerate picking the broken glass out of your skin before you realize I am constantly exploding and cleaning up my own wreckage. Its not a panic to find out whats wrong anymore. Its not a panic to find treatment. Its acceptance and management now. All I will ever be is a very organized mess. People will come and go, and I have learned to let them go. I do the most damage the longer you remain close. https://youtube/watch?v=jaCCYL7TXLY
Posted on: Mon, 08 Dec 2014 02:34:22 +0000
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