Merry Christmas To My Female Friends If I were ol Santa, you know what Id do Id dump silly gifts that are given to you And deliver some things just inside your front door Things you have lost, but treasured before. Id give you back all your maidenly vigor, And to go along with it, a neat tiny figure. Then restore the old color that once graced your hair Before rinses and bleaches took residence there. Id bring back the shape with which you were gifted So things now suspended need not be uplifted. Id draw in your tummy and smooth down your back Till youd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks. Id remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin So you wouldnt spend hours rubbing grease on your skin. Youd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells, And you wouldnt hear noises like ringing of bells. No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes, No searching for spectacles when theyre right on your nose. Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny, From a doctor who thinks youre a nervous old granny. Youd never have a headache, so no pills would you take. And no heating pad needed since your muscles wont ache. Yes, if I were Santa, youd never look stupid, Youd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid. Id give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle, And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle. But alas! Im not Santa. Im simply just me, The “matronest” of matrons you ever did see. I wish I could tell you all the symptoms Ive got, But Im due at my doctors for an estrogen shot. Even though weve grown older, this wish is sincere, Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year xxx Save the Earth; it is the only planet with chocolate
Posted on: Sat, 20 Dec 2014 19:37:41 +0000
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