Most parents feel: I want my children to respect me. What does that sentence mean to you? Does it mean to listen to you obediently? Not to sit in your place at the table? To be quiet and not interrupt? Does it mean to take your preferences into account? To adore and admire you? Not to hit or insult you? To say yes sir no sir? To look up to me? To never talk back? To give me the final word? Which of these expectations is realistic and which are desirable? Consider the endless ways of interpreting Respect and how to cultivate the ones we want? For me - Respect means allowing one another space for our current emotions and pursuits. Taking each other into account and allowing for differing opinions to coexist. How does that effect my parenting? My aim, on a good day (a day when Im not merely trying to survive without throwing something), is to extend the same respect to my child that I expect of them. To take their opinions (I dont like these pants) and needs (Can I sit on your lap) into account as I demand that they take mine. To give them a say (I dont want to go to the park, I want to go to the pool), just as I get mine. To accept and embrace their emotions (Go away mummy!) - and to forgive their shortcomings and moods, just as I hope they forgive mine. It isnt easy to do when weve been preconditioned to assume that children should be seen and not heard. When our culture insists that we need to show them whos boss and not let them manipulate us with their meltdowns and demands. An environment that sees a babys cry as demands for attention or a toddlers tantrum as something to be ignored. If we treat children this way - as though their needs, opinions and requests dont matter, can be routinely ignored and ridiculed - where on earth will they learn respect from? Where will they learn that respect is about meeting the person where they are, accepting that they are different from us and have different needs and that those needs are legitimate, even if we ourselves dont feel the same needs (for the sippy cup to be blue, say, and not yellow).
Posted on: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 11:10:01 +0000
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