My friend Ronald Lincoln posted about how to remember a persons name. He did the age-old method of going through the alphabet, asking a nearby friend who that person is, and other methods of struggling to come up with a name, which usually pops to the surface in the middle of the night or a day or a week later. Here was my response to him: Thats funny... and common to the experience of all, I would wager. My father could call a persons name after having met them only once, ten years before. I have seen the demonstration of this, where the person to whom he was speaking finally said to him, Sir, you have me at a loss. You know my name, my wifes name, my childrens names, yet I cannot for the life of me recall where we met. (This conversation took place at the Hungry Hobo Restaurant on I-10 in Lake Charles many years ago.) Daddy told the gentleman that he had preached that mans aunts funeral and re-introduced himself. The man said, Brother Cavanaugh, I apologize for not remembering you, but that funeral happened just over ten years ago and as far as I know that was the only conversation you and I ever had. After we left, I said to Daddy, I wish I could do that. He said, You could if you werent so lazy. Now, in fairness he wasnt speaking in general terms. He meant I was memory lazy. He thought that everyone was capable of building their memory to the same level as he had built his. I suspect he had taken a memory course or something of the kind. What he did not understand is that some of us have poor facial memory. Unless there is some shocking reason for me to remember a face, such as being the victim of a crime, nearly everyone looks the same to me. Most of them seem to have two eyes, two ears, a nose, mouth, chin, and cheeks. If they have a pronounced feature, like crossed eyes or bulbous nose, that makes it easier for me. If I see them often, then yes, I can usually recognize them. And then, how do I remember their name? I put my mind in neutral and purposely try NOT to remember their name. As a rule, my mind will spit out the first initial easily on autopilot. If Chuck is with me, I will look at him and say that letter: A. Sometimes my autopilot mind will spit out the name: Alice; sometimes Chuck says Alice. By NOT making an issue of it, it seems to be much easier to remember. And if I dont remember? I turn down another aisle in the store and avoid them or, if they come and start talking, I sometimes bluff and say, I dont have your telephone number. Would you write it down for me? How DO you spell your name? J. O. H. N. Oh, for goodness sake, John. I KNOW how to spell your first name. I meant your last name. S. M. I. T. H. Thats funny. Would you believe that all this time I have thought you spelled it with a y? When all else fails, I simply say, Im sorry. I cannot for the life of me remember your name. Do you remember mine? Frequently they dont. Our paths have crossed often, perhaps, but we may never have been formally introduced, so Im off the hook.
Posted on: Sun, 07 Sep 2014 15:58:41 +0000