My latest in the Times-Union...on how poverty and neediness was the real tragedy for Rayne Perrywinkle... Tonyaa Weathersbee: Rayne Perrywinkles sad story Poverty just won’t let Rayne Perrywinkle catch a break. It dealt her a devastating blow last summer when it compelled her to trust a stranger who offered to buy clothes for her three daughters. That stranger, Donald James Smith, is charged with abducting, raping and killing her eldest daughter, 8-year-old Cherish. Since then, Perrywinkle’s other two daughters, Destiny, 6 and Nevaeh, 5, have been in foster care. She has received empathy from those who understand that she lost a child. And she has drawn anger from those who believe that her bad judgment was just as much a culprit in Cherish’s slaying as was Smith’s pedophilia. TRUST CAUSES MORE PAIN Amy Decker, who told the Times-Union that she was a mentor and friend to Perrywinkle, has created a Facebook group called “Team Destiny and Nevaeh.” But the page advocates that Perrywinkle’s children be permanently removed from her and be put up for adoption. And it calls for followers to show up at the courthouse to urge the same thing. Perrywinkle said she trusted Decker, who she met at Hubbard House in 2002 and who provided the first temporary home for the girls after Cherish’s death and even allowed Perrywinkle to stay there for a while. Perrywinkle told the Times-Union that she is hurt by the betrayal. She should be. THERE’S A BETTER WAY TO HELP Decker’s passion and concern comes from a real place. And the dysfunction in Perrywinkle’s life may have posed a real risk for her girls to remain with her. But that’s for a court to decide. It is wrong to start a campaign that could expose two children — a 5-year-old and a 6-year-old at that — to being teased about their mother. And one that subjects their mother to further scorn. “There is a right way and a wrong way to protect children,” said Jack Levine, a children’s advocate who leads the 4Generations Institute, a Tallahassee-based organization that addresses the needs of families and communities. “Sometimes, the right way doesn’t work perfectly,” Levine said. “But I don’t think it is ethical to create a social media storm.” Noting the ongoing issue of teenagers and cyber bullying, Levine added that “the tools of technology can quickly become a tyrannical instrument.” ROLE OF POVERTY Having poverty judged as neglect can also be tyrannical. A poor person can be more vulnerable, preyed upon by some and misunderstood by others. For example, Decker told the Times-Union that she went to Perrywinkle’s house and found that the water was off and that the toilet wasn’t attached to the floor. That seems more like a poverty issue than a bad parenting issue. THE POOR ARE VULNERABLE I don’t doubt that Decker is concerned about the girls. But starting a Facebook page that plasters the girls names as being refugees of poverty and dysfunction could wind up earning them more embarrassment than justice. And here’s another sad thing that this reveals: Being poor exposes parents to levels of vulnerability that others will never experience. Especially when they turn to people they don’t really know for help. Only to risk losing their children as the price.
Posted on: Fri, 15 Aug 2014 21:05:28 +0000
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