No one knows, for the past few hours, I have felt absolutely terrible. I have fought against my thoughts for a long time, battling them as if it is a war inside my head. The moment I have feared and fought so long for to prevent has happened, I lost. My mind wanders into the battlefield of lost thoughts, Advice, Hope, Happiness. They all drift pass me as I sit here, crying, tear rolling down my face until they reach my chin and drop onto my chest, beating rapidly due to my stressed out heart. Like a blood drop falls from a dying soldiers wound. I sit here bleeding on the inside, with the thoughts still controlling me as if I were their puppet. I sit here as the tears roll from my empty eyes downwards towards my shattered heart. Thinking how my life was wanted by the ones I love. Thinking about the one that holds my heart in her hands. I love her so much. I cant even comprehend how much. My mind drifts into what feels as if my future. I see her and myself Happy, together at last, forever. I think about how happy I am, then think about how I could have over come such pain. The way these thoughts control me, like little voices in my head. I feel no matter what I do they will always be with me. Telling me the things I try and hide, forget and never think of again. But I feel no matter what I do they will never leave me. I have suffered for so long I dont know how I will be able to recover from this, on the inside its just me, fighting this on sided endless battle, I might sound weird or annoying or whatever you want to call me, but you dont know how I have felt, you dont know what I have been through you dont care at all about anything other then your self. Life has taught me some very valuable lessons, that although this pain I endure is by myself, the ones who actually care about me will be and are there for me. No matter what I go through, no matter how I feel, what I do. They will love me none the less, If I choose to talk to you, its because I want you to listen, if I tell you my problems its because I want you to fix them, if I give you my love its because I want yours. If I choose to socialise with anyone its because I want you to be there for me when Im down. Remember this: The value of a man should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive. If you care, Give something even if its a small thing and expect nothing in return, because when you expect nothing and get something, thats when you know you are loved.
Posted on: Thu, 06 Mar 2014 14:26:25 +0000
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