Perhaps I should blame it on Electronic revolution...that causes people NOT to know HOW to engage in conversation or talk to each other? SMH. Here are some pointers (below), perhaps that will help. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE ART OF CONVERSATION (By Laine Bergeson and Courtney Helgoe) Conversation Killers We’ve all had the experience of starting a conversation only to have it collapse into awkward silence. While any number of things might have gone wrong, there are a few subtle faux pas sure to put an early end to an otherwise pleasant discussion. Phone-gazing. “The minute you look down at your phone,” says Fine, “it’s as if you’ve said, ‘Shut up!’ If you warn me in advance that you might glance at your phone periodically because you are expecting an important call, I’ll understand. Otherwise, it’s rude.” Closed-ended personal questions. Avoid potentially touchy queries unless you already know the answer. Dwelling on the downside. Negative pronouncements, like “Kids these days!” or “What a terrible sweater the host is wearing,” put you at risk of alienating people, who must either agree or disagree, How to Talk to Someone You Talk to Every Day Listen Up. “People who see each other every day sometimes stop relating,” says Minneapolis psychologist Jan Hoistad, author of Romance Rehab: 10 Steps to Rescue Your Relationship (Sterling, 2010). In many cases, she notes, we’re busy thinking about what we’re going to say while the other person is talking. Reveal a little. “If your partner or child asks you how your day was and you answer with one word, you have missed a huge opportunity. Give him or her a sentence instead. Ask for more details. Instead of responding with a phrase like “I know exactly how you feel,” Hoistad encourages people to say, “Oh, that’s interesting. Tell me more.” Mix it up. A change of venue can often be all it takes to spur a deeper exchange with someone familiar. Go to a restaurant that’s new to you and your partner, or take a walk on a new route. Body Language Signs to Watch Recognize key signs of comfort. These signs mean a conversation is going well: • Leaning in indicates genuine interest. • Touching an arm communicates trust. • Looking away during a conversation can, in some cases, actually be a sign of comfort, Navarro explains. It may signal the speaker is at ease enough to break eye contact to help focus her thinking. Recognize key signs of discomfort. These can all be cues to seek a new topic — unless, of course, you’re trying to pry an uncomfortable truth from someone: • Rapid eye blinking can signal nervousness. • Lip compression is a common sign of stress or anxiety. • High shoulders around the ears (“the turtle effect”) can indicate a lack of confidence and possible embarrassment. • Bouncing feet can be a sign of authentic happiness or excitement, which may follow from the human habit of dancing in celebration. They can also be a sign of impatience or nervousness. Context will suggest the difference. • The direction of the feet also matters; if one or both are pointed toward the door, it can be a sign that your partner wants out of the conversation or is anxious to go. When someone points his or her feet directly toward you, he or she is most likely engaged. • Crossing the legs is usually a sign of comfort, because it puts the body off balance — and we are more willing to be off balance when we trust our situation. If both parties have their legs crossed, Navarro says, these people are probably quite comfortable together, because they are also mirroring each other. How to Be a Better Listener Be intentional. Before engaging in a conversation, consciously decide to be present and open for it. This can be as simple as taking a deep breath before opening the coffee-shop door and turning off your phone before sitting down. Be attentive. Ask for elaboration. Share your reactions honestly. Demonstrate to the other person that you are actively participating in the conversation. Be an equal. Avoid giving advice or assuming a one-up or one-down position. Do your best to listen without a plan or an agenda. Be your own person. Instead of getting preoccupied with how you should respond, be authentic with your emotional reactions to what the other person is saying. Get in touch with how you’re really feeling, and your conversational partner will understand you, too. How to Make a Graceful Exit Ending conversations can be tricky. We often assume we’ll hurt someone’s feelings if we leave too soon, so we linger on well past the discussion’s natural conclusion. Mike Bechtle, PhD, is a senior training consultant with a time- and productivity-management firm, and he teaches his business clients how to artfully exit an exchange. In Confident Conversation: How to Communicate Successfully in Any Situation (Revell, 2008), he offers the following tips: Know your purpose. When you know beforehand what you hope to achieve in a conversation, it’s easier to know when it’s finished. Use group dynamics. Social functions provide their own natural exits, When you’re in a small group and one or two people join the discussion, this is a natural time to slip away. Be honest. Don’t over-explain or apologize for ending a conversation. Just review and comment on the most interesting points you discussed, and move on. You’ll part on a positive note of connection. End strong. Whether you’ve been chatting for a minute or an hour, when you part, make eye contact, shake hands or touch the person’s arm. If it’s appropriate, Bechtle suggests telling someone what you enjoyed or learned from your interaction and thanking him or her for talking. These gestures reinforce connection and leave both parties feeling good.
Posted on: Wed, 17 Jul 2013 19:19:34 +0000
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