Quiet moments with the Empress Tales from the court of the 8 pound orange Empress As I am told it is with children, so often it is with cats. They are at their most charming when they are asleep. Or as in the case with the Empress, when she is falling asleep. I think it has to do with the cooler weather. She has taken to climbing up on my stomach and the shelf I build for her with my left forearm and falling asleep there. She tries the inverted head trick every time. She makes a circle of her body, with her head on the bottom of the circle. Inverted. Despite the size of my gut and the fact that I try to support her with my crooked left arm, there isn’t enough support for her in that position very long. Eventually she will spread out and stretch out along the length of my left forearm. Head tucked into crook of my elbow, paws between my arm and my belly for warmth. Once she has stretched out her tail starts to switch and twitch. Slowly as she falls asleep her tail gradually stills, until her even breathing and quieted tail betray the fact that she is going to sleep. She is then at her most adorable. Yep, sweet, quietly purring in her sleep, trusting I won’t move, warmed by my body heat, a sweet trusting kitty. Awwe. Until she farts. It doesn’t happen often, but she is a silent assassin. There is no warning. Just an ungodly smell, like Lucifer’s compost heap. This stench is worse than the foulest diaper; worse than the most terrible portajon – one that hasn’t been cleaned for months; worse than 24 guys in a barracks that had beans for dinner. Concentrated, miasmic, damn near visible foul, rotten odor. Skunks have turned up their nose and run screaming. Porcupines just said “Aw, shit – can’t fight this,” dropped their quills and turned tail. The Department of Defense scientific wing wants to study it for non-lethal incapacitating war gas as a replacement for tear gas. Yep – life with the Empress. It is always good. And you can’t turn away the kitty when she wants to snuggle.
Posted on: Fri, 07 Nov 2014 02:24:59 +0000
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