Steven Wright provokes your mind! If youre not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, hes the famous scientist who once said: I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates. His mind sees things differently than most of us do. . .. here are some of his gems: 1 - Id kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they dont expect it back. 3 - Half the people you know are below average. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. 9 - All those who believe in psycho kine sis, raise my hand. 10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met. 12 - OK, so whats the speed of dark? 13 - How do you tell when youre out of invisible ink? 14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 16 - When everything is coming your way, youre in the wrong lane. 17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. 18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now. 19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good. 20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines. 22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 23 - My mechanic told me, I couldnt repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. 24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name. 25 - If at first you dont succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 27 - Experience is something you dont get until just after you need it. 28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. 29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time youll have to catch up. 32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. 33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just dont have film. 34 - If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is not for you. And the all-time favorite - 35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Posted on: Tue, 26 Aug 2014 16:09:01 +0000
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