THE 2014 LILES MOVIE AWARDS Yes, its Oscar week, that time of year where we celebrate the movies and I watch a lot of movies, so you should pretty much take the following winners as proven facts. Here we go! The Best Documentary Of The Year Award Room 237 The Best Documentary Of The Year That I Didnt See Award Stories We Tell The Best Most Confusing Film of the Year Award Upstream Color The Worst Title Of A Movie Award The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones The Best Movie To See In IMAX 3D Since Avatar Award Gravity The Worst Movie To See In IMAX 3D Since Avatar Award Oz The Great and Powerful The Its Really Worth Your Time Award The Way Way Back The Best 3D Title Sequence Of The Year Award Oz The Great and Powerful The Best Stupid Action Movie Of The Year Award White House Down The Best Comic Book Movie Of The Year Award The Wolverine The Most Disappointing Movie Of The Year Award Gangster Squad The Worst Poster Of The Year Award The Last Stand Top 10 Best Movie Quotes Of The 10) Sean OConnell: Beautiful things dont ask for attention. - The Secret Life of Walter Mitty 9) Ron Burgundy: If youve got an ass like the North Star, wise men are gonna want to follow it. - Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues 8) Captain Phillips: Theres got to be something other than being a fisherman or kidnapping people. Muse: Maybe in America, Irish, maybe in America. - Captain Phillips 7) Stacker Pentecost: Today. Today... At the edge of our hope, at the end of our time, we have chosen not only to believe in ourselves, but in each other. Today there is not a man nor woman in here that shall stand alone. Not today. Today we face the monsters that are at our door and bring the fight to them. Today, we are canceling the apocalypse! - Pacific Rim 6) Solomon Northup: I did as instructed. If theres something wrong, then its wrong with the instructions! - 12 Years A Slave 5) Irving Rosenfeld: She was the Picasso of passive-aggressive karate. - American Hustle 4) Robin: If you ride like lightning, youre going to crash like thunder. - The Place Beyond the Pines 3) Sally: Are you an effective team? - Oblivion 2) Reluctant AIM Guard: [after Tony Stark incapacitates almost all Mandarin guards, the last one quickly surrenders] Dont shoot! Seriously, I dont even like working here. They are so weird. - Iron Man 3 1) Jordan Belfort: My name is Jordan Belfort. The year I turned 26, I made 49 million dollars, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week. - The Wolf Of Wall Street The Creepiest Movie of the Year Award Stoker The Scariest Movie of the Year Award Evil Dead The Scariest Movie of the Year That I Didn’t See Award The Conjuring The Movie Title That Is A Literal Spoiler Award Lone Survivor The Best Movie Everyone Saw, But I Missed, Because I Don’t Have Kids Award Despicable Me 2 The Best Movie Everyone Saw, But I Missed, Because I Don’t Have A Daughter Award Frozen The “It’s Not As Bad As The Media Is Saying And Is Actually Pretty Good” Award The Lone Ranger The Best SciFi Movie of the Year Award Oblivion The Most Disappointing SciFi Movie of the Year Award (tie) Pacific Rim Elysium The Men In Black Knockoff Award R.I.P.D. The Best Song In A Movie Award Doby, Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues The Best Action Sequence Of The Year Award (tie) The Two Train Sequence From The Lone Ranger The Barrel Sequence from The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug The Worst Trend Award World Destroying Man Of Steel, World War Z, Thor: The Dark World, Star Trek Into Darkness, Iron Man 3, The Worlds End, This Is The End, Pacific Rim, After Earth, ...these are just 9 films in which entire cities or worlds are just obliterated. If the writers don’t learn how to raise the stakes for characters other than physically threatening the end of the world, audiences will just get so tired of it. Theres going to be an implosion where three or four or maybe even a half-dozen megabudget movies are going to go crashing into the ground, Spielberg said, and thats going to change the paradigm. The Best Trend Award The Matthew McConaissance It actually started in 2011’s Lincoln Lawyer, followed by 2012’s Killer Joe, but McConaugheys rise from romantic comedy goofball to serious leading man made headlines in 2013. First, he stars in Mud, a chilling and interesting southern mystery. Then pops up as one of the best things in The Wolf Of Wall Street. After that, we got a sneak peek at his starring role alongside Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Topher Grace, Michael Caine, Casey Affleck, John Lithgow, and Ellen Burtstyn in Christopher “Dark Knight” Nolan’s Interstellar. The next time we see him he’s dropped like 40lbs to play Ron Woodroof in Dallas Buyers Club, a role that jumps him to frontrunner of the Best Actor shortlist. Then, while we’re waiting for the Academy Awards, he’s wowing us weekly on HBO’s True Detective alongside pal Woody Harrelson. I haven’t seen a career jumpstart this extreme since Travolta after Pulp Fiction. The Worst Foreseeable Trend Award Avenger-izing Franchises Sony just announced it plans to put out a Spiderman movie every year after The Amazing Spiderman 2, a sequel to a reboot from another trilogy made less than 15 years ago. After The Avengers made billions spinning off all their comic book characters in separate movies, look for the same for every other comic character, including another Superman, a new Batman, etc. It has made me swear a solemn oath to not see any more comic book movies in theaters. Its already a boring trend that will gain momentum in 2014 and 2015. The Best Movie Of The Year To See With Your Dad & Laugh Award Last Vegas The Best Movie Of The Year To See With Your Dad & Cry Award The Place Beyond The Pines The Most Disappointing Director Followup Nicolas Winding Refn going from Drive to Only God Forgives The Most Disappointing Movie Star Match Up Award Denzel Washington & Mark Wahlberg in 2 Guns The Best “One Female Character Carries The Movie” Award Gravity The Best “One Male Character Carries The Movie” Award All Is Lost The Holy Crap That Was So Intense I Didnt Blink For 2 Hours Award Prisoners The Chick Flick of the Year Award Drinking Buddies The Chick Flick of the Year For People Over 40 Award Enough Said The Best Performance By An Attractive Actress Who Never Appears In The Movie Award Scarlett Johansson in Her The “Hey, This Is Actually Really Funny” Award Were the Millers The “Hey, This Is Exactly As Funny As I Thought It’d Be” Award Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues The Most Realistic Movie Award (tie) All Is Lost Captain Phillips The “It’s Not As Good As The Academy Is Saying” Award American Hustle The Return To Form Award Martin Scorsese for The Wolf Of Wall Street The Best Acting Performance Honorable Mentions Tom Hanks in Captain Phillips James Franco in Spring Breakers Lupita Nyongo in 12 Years A Slave Michael Fassbender in 12 Years a Slave Sandra Bullock in Gravity The Best Acting Performance Of The Year Award Matthew McConaughey in Dallas Buyer’s Club My Favorite Acting Performance Of The Year Award Leonardo DiCaprio in The Wolf Of Wall Street My Top 5 Honorable Mentions Of The Year The Worlds End Spring Breakers Dallas Buyers Club American Hustle Mud And now... MY TOP 15 MOVIES OF THE YEAR (Let it be known, that if a movie makes this list, consider it not only a solid recommendation, but a stern you better go watch it ultimatum.) 15) Captain Phillips 14) Her 13) Side Effects 12) Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues 11) Rush 10) 12 Years a Slave 9) Prisoners 8) The Way Way Back 7) The Place Beyond the Pines 6) Drinking Buddies 5) The Great Gatsby 4) This Is the End 3) Oblivion 2) Gravity 1) The Wolf of Wall Street Congratulations to all the winners, and to the losers, good attempt. Now just dont get depressed and fall back on a comic book movie. Well see you next year!
Posted on: Fri, 28 Feb 2014 01:38:52 +0000
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