The difference between the North and the South - at last, clearly explained.... The North has Bloomingdales , the South has Dollar General . The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses . The North has dating services, the South has family reunions. The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails. The North has double last names; the South has double first names. The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races . North has Cream of Wheat , the South has grits. The North has green salads, the South has collard greens . The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish . The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt . FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .... In the South : If you run your car into a ditch, dont panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Dont try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. Dont be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store... Do not buy food at this store. Remember, Yall is singular, all yall is plural, and all yalls is plural possessive. Get used to hearing You aint from round here, are ya? Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it. Dont be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They cant understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerners vocabulary is the adjective bigol, truck or bigol boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper . Be advised that He needed killin. is a valid defense here. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, Hey, yall watch this, you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words hell ever say. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesnt matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there. Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim. In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway. AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, dont think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we aint gonna call em biscuits. Send this to four people that aint related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song fore you know it. Your kin would get a kick out of it too !!! MR BONE HEAD
Posted on: Tue, 18 Nov 2014 00:25:18 +0000
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