This is very hard for me to talk about. I talk about everything else and have always gotten good advise. I know once I speak on this Im opening a lot of trouble for myself. But tonight Im so upset I cant think clearly. The past few years Ive been in a really tough relationship. Its been over for some time now, yet its not. Its never going to be over. Those of you who know me know what all he and I have gone threw. Its been extremely abusive on both our parts. He starts it and I finish it because I dont have good sense and I wont back down. I know in my heart of hearts Ive given him every oprotunity to get himself together. Looking back I can see where I was an enabler in many cases. I looked the other way for the longest time. Im an intelligent person. I know right from wrong. But when it comes to him he has a power over me and I cant think clearly. You name it and Ive been threw it in the worst way. He just wont let me go. My phone is ringing off the hook now. Hes threatened suicide. Im scared for him and scared for myself. Im living with my doors locked and constantly looking over my shoulder. I dont hate him or wish him harm. Im just tired, so tired... Its just constant drama and mayhem. Jails, courts, threats, fights... And so on. Hes a good person at his core and I know this. But his Demonds win every time. If he were to harm himself it would be the end of my sanity... But if I continued on in the manner I have lived in the past with him that would destroy my sanity as well. Weve had Bad physical fights, bad. Weve physically hurt each other. Im just as guilty as he in these fights. I know this isnt normal. I know its not healthy. I know we are toxic together... Im afraid if he kills himself Im going to go completely insane. He wont stop calling me over and over and texting me constantly, hes cold, hes hungry, he has no where to go. Im a compassionate person... I just cant do all this anymore. Im struggling with serious health issues on one hand and this insanity on the other... When he sees this Im afraid of what he may do. Ill always love him and care what happens to him, but I cant fix him. He refuses to get the help he needs. I just want him to be happy and well and have peace in his heart and mind and just leave me be. If he kills himself the guilt Im feeling for putting him out will push me right over the edge... :-(
Posted on: Fri, 07 Nov 2014 02:18:13 +0000
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