Today I cease to be a member of Parliament....I would love to share what I have learned during last five years from the parliamentary proceedings.Though we hardly attended the sessions, I always tried to follow the proceedings as i believed that there is always a risk of Learning.... The knowledge I GATHERED IS AS FOLLOWS.... If you are a MP from the Ruling party then you start your speech thanking the Speaker.If possible you praise him or her to such an extent that he or she becomes embarrassed and looks at you which means SHUT UP...At times i noticed SENIOR MEMBERS FROM THE TREASURY BENCH even saying how cute the speaker was when she was a kid and how well she spoke English..Now you have to thank the Priminister(THIS IS A MUST)for giving you the nomination and then you thank the voters of your constituency for voting. Here comes the main part....start with 15th August 1975, 21st August grenade attack, Mr. Kibria killing and Mr Ahsanullah Master killing ...It is BETTER if you can Cry at this point cos that gives you additional MARKS. If you cannot manage tears you must sound like as if you are crying or at least heartbroken...Once you are done you now have to praise the Priminister..this will involve ...electricity ,,,Shamudro bijoy....eradication of jangi and so on...If you are confused or lost you can quickly move to the easy zone which is bashing the opposition.....This must include use of abusive language pointed at President Ziaur Rahman and Begum Khaleda Zia...This is a wide area and you can talk about Suitcase ...Sari ...food habbits and so on......HERE you shall make best use of you absolute parliamentary privilege and and use any language you want .......What a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate to the nation how you were groomed and how healthy you childhood and family was.......!ALWAYS REMEMBER........bashing Tarek Rahman will fetch you GOLDEN points..and if you miss Tarek Rahman issue you might loose points ...This is known as risk zone so never forget to abuse Tarek Rahman if you are from the ruling party..... Now suddenly you will find yourself short of time and the Speaker will tell you that you have one minute....you have to request him or her for a extra minute and you squeeze your constituency within this one or two minutes ......... Opposition Speech.... Same as the ruling party ...just you have to attack Bangabandhu....Priminister and her family in Place of late President Ziaur Rahman , Begum Khaleda Zia and Tarek Rahman........and this fetch you Golden points.... You have to talk about the atrocities from 1971 to 1975...Bakshal........Never raise the issue of shadhinotar Ghoshok at this point cos then the ruling party will start screaming and you will be lost .....so raise the issue at the end of your speech but always remember that you have to mention it...Never forget to use the abusive language cos this will make you hear comments like shabash ....bagher bacha.......If possible you can talk about forefathers religion and DNA ..AND SO ON....fINALLY YOU SQUEEZE YOUR CONSTITUENCY WITHIN THE LAST MINUTE....... Please note that there are very few (close to nil) parliamentarians worth listening..... Trust me, I have learned more during my nursery days compared to what i have learned last five years.....I still remember twinkle twinkle and it is worth remembering......
Posted on: Fri, 24 Jan 2014 06:11:34 +0000
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