Today is a day that Id like to take the phrase youll find a NEW normal and punch it in the throat. Four of the last 10 days, Gage has woken up sick, achy and vomiting. Today I feel like being a brutally honest cancer mom. I want to say how sucky this journey is, stomp my feet, cry and scream that its unfair and let someone come to the rescue and fix these problems. I want to answer the frequent question of how is Gage feeling? with translucent honesty instead of hes a tough guy, hes a fighter, all things considering, hes doing very well. All of those things are true of course, but hes a 9 year old boy with absolutely no choice or say so in this at all. Its difficult to look in the mirror everyday and know that your child has cancer and there isnt one damn thing you can do about it, really. You cant fix it or take it from him. Its fatiguing on yourself, your family and your marriage to never have it leave your brain. To sit in the bath, drive your car and lay in bed and night and play over and over the day you got the news. To know just how sick he was and how lucky we are to have caught it at 96% leukemia in his bone marrow versus 100%. Today Im having a temper tantrum. Today Im neither tough nor brave. Please dont misunderstand me, Im grateful, still beyond blessed and I do have the perspective to know that it can always be worse. We see worse every clinic visit. We thank God, literally, every single day for the opportunity to be given the chance to fight, we are fighters. Not everyone gets that chance. We have a peace in knowing that Gage will be just fine, that this isnt the end of his story but the beginning. It doesnt make everyday easy or help us to understand the why. It does however give us the courage to face another day. Forty nine families will hear the words your child has cancer today and seven will lose the fight. Temper tantrum over. I constantly read facebook and think get a real problem. Im not exempt from that...someone, somewhere has a real problem. We are fortunate to only have the problems we have.
Posted on: Sat, 12 Apr 2014 16:01:03 +0000
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