WAYS OF GIVING ADVICE IN A PROPER ISLAMIC WAY AND MAKE IT ACCEPTABLE BY OTHERS *VERY BENEFICIAL* 1. Encouraging the person you are advising to accept the advice from you, you could ask how? By giving beautiful and nice words before offering the advice in order to open up the person’s appetite to be willing to accept the advice. For Example, you enter your friend’s house and find that he has hung a big photo of his dead father on the wall and you want to advise him to remove it, you could start by telling him, “MashaAllah is that your dad over there?” And he’ll reply you with the affirmative, afterwards you could tell him, ‘MashaALLAH a handsome father you got can’t blame that his kids are as handsome as he’ and he gets all happy and thanks you for the compliment. Then you ask him, “Is your dad alive or dead? And he would say, “He’s dead since 4 years now” And you could go on and praise him by saying,” May Allah have mercy on him and grant him Jannah. God bless you, I believe you hang his picture so that you would never forget him, other children bury their parents today and after a short while forget about them, MashaAllah you still remember your dad; but even though you love him that much, It’s not permissible for you to hang his picture as the Prophet (S.A.W) said, “The angels do not enter a house in which there is a dog or a picture” And the person will automatically stand up to remove the picture. As opposed to addressing him directly once you sit down by saying, “Is that your dad’s picture you’ve hung there on the wall? Fear Allah it’s not allowed for you to hung his picture” and he would defend himself by saying, “But I love my dad and I don’t wish to forget him, I want to keep his memory” And you reply, ‘So what if you love him, it’s haram for you to put his picture’. He’ll definitely not take your advice in a good way. 2. Do not comment on every little or big thing you see. Always the person who comments on everything he sees from people, who makes big every small thing, becomes heavy on people and people start avoiding him for real. No one can tolerate having a cop standing behind him observing his every move. Sometimes let go of things, live your life and let others live and enjoy theirs. Take this example, you went to visit a friend or neighbor and ask for a glass of water. You get the water and after drinking it you say, “This water is warm”. Now what’s the point of saying that? What’s the use? Are you going to take the water out of your stomach, put it back in the glass and put it in the fridge to cool? Why didn’t you ask for cold water in the first place? Or a wife brings food to her husband and the first thing he does is comment on a piece of hair that fell in the food unknowingly. Look here Brother, is that all you can see? I mean the food has 100 right and 1 wrong, you forgot about the 100 and remembered the 1 wrong? Come on, you can’t get things done 100% correctly, be pleased with 80% or 90%. Look at this example of our Prophet (S.A.W); A’ishah (R.A) said while praising the Prophet (S.A.W), “The Prophet once entered the house during lunch hours and asked us, Do you have food? It was clearly visible that he was pretty much hungry. I said, No there is no food. The Prophet then said, I am fasting then.” Did he start scolding A’ishah for not preparing the food early enough or tell her, why not tell me earlier so I can plan to eat at one of the swahabas? No, coz that’s not how he was, he never bothered about such small things like food, clothes. Why waste his energy and get all sweaty and tense or give himself headaches reason being food delaying or coming early? Try doing that with the husbands of today and the response is not gonna be any good, some don’t even leave behind any money for food and still expect to find food when they come home. Brother, your wife is no Sayyidana Maryam (A.S) and there is no more manna wa salwa. Or let’s say a husband takes his wife shopping and she sees a nice dress that she likes which is expensive and cannot be afforded by the husband, so he tells her, “Take this one, It looks the same as that but cheaper” And the wife starts shouting, “No, I only want this one. If you don’t buy it for me…..” and she goes on complaining more and more. Be easy sister, don’t be too hard on the poor man, you’re just gonna wear it for some time anyway be it on a wedding or another occasion then it all ends there. 3. If you are able to point at the wrong and advise the person indirectly instead of addressing it directly, then do so coz that is much better most of the times. The Prophet (S.A.W) when he sees a wrong done by one of the sahabas used to say, “What is the matter with people doing this and that?” so that the one who is doing that understands it and leaves it. Once the Prophet saw people praying in the masjid who were raising their eyes up in the sky instead of looking down. He didn’t want to start mentioning names and embarrass them in public so he said, “What is the matter with people who are looking up while praying?” and they still continued doing that so he finally said, “They are forbidden from doing so or their eyesight will be taken away from them” and they all immediately stopped. So if you see someone doing something wrong, don’t point at the wrong directly to him and crucify him for it. Bring up an example of a similar situation of someone who did the same thing and what happened to them especially when dealing with your kids. Take this example, you realized that your kid has not prayed Maghrib, you call him quietly and sit with him then tell him about a story of any one of your friends or anyone else who complained about his kid missing prayers sometimes and how big a sin it is. Then tell him what happens to someone who does not pray and you’ll see that he’ll feel guilty and automatically goes to pray. 4. Put yourself in the place of the one you are advising. Sometimes you come to someone and advise them like they have done kufr by committing a certain wrong. That’s a No No. Do not whip the one before you in such a way that he feels that he has gone out of the deen with what he has done. A good example, Once the Prophet (S.A.W) was coming from one of the battles with the swahabas; they walked for a while, got so tired so decided to rest. The Prophet asked them, ”Who will stay awake the whole night and wake us up for fajr?” Bilal (R.A) said, “I will”. So they all got off their horses, tied them up and slept. Bilal stood up and prayed until the time for fajr got near; he then decided to sit down and wait for the time to come so he can call out the adhaan. While in the process of sitting and waiting, his eyes got the better of him and he fell asleep. Fajr time came, the light spread all over and the sun came out but still no one woke up and nothing awoke them except for the heat from the sun and they all woke up and Umar (R.A) woke up while shouting, “Allahu Akbar!” They all got in panic, how could fajr pass us by? Subhanallah look at them and look at us now, all that fear coz they missed fajr. Some of us miss fajr twice or thrice in a week and we don’t feel any sadness, remorse or fear. The Prophet looked at Bilal and asked him, “Oh Bilal, where is your promise?’ Bilal replied sadly, “Ya Rasulullah, whatever got over you got over me as well” The Prophet (S.A.W) remained silent since the topic was over, they had slept and missed fajr khalas it was done and over. He told the swahabas, “Let’s go, this is a place where the devil was present with us”. So they walked to another place, got down and prayed. And he never blamed Bilal for anything coz the poor man had prayed all night and got tired aswell, more than them all and whatever happened was beyond his control. 5. If something has already occurred and ended, do not start blaming anyone for it. Provided it has ended already and whatever happened has happened, don’t start talking about it co there’s no use of doing that, you can’t bring it all back and make right the wrong that was done. For Example, someone scolds his kid and the kid runs to the street and gets hit by a car and dies. Is it appropriate for you to come to the funeral and tell the person, “My condolescence, and next time be watchful over your kids”. The kid’s gone khalas, what’s the point of throwing blames here and there? How beautiful it would be If we all learnt to implement the above ways while dealing with others on a daily basis; Imagine how many we will attract to our deen billions I say. JAZAAKUMULLAHU KHAYR.
Posted on: Tue, 30 Dec 2014 11:08:00 +0000
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