WHY JACK BAUER LOVES GOLOLA MOSES! BAUER: Moses, are you aware you are playing around with the famous star of ‘24’? GOLOLA: twenty-what? You are joking with Moses Golola of Uganda? Didn’t you hear of a man called Tugume that I killed and buried in the coffin he had bought himself? BAUER: Damn it! You don’t seem to understand who Bauer is. I am the leading cause of death amongst Middle Eastern men? I am the only man that all presidents, from David Palmer to Alison Taylor, call ‘immediately’ whenever they run out of options. GOLOLA: Jack, you are not joking with Charles Logan here; you are talking to Moses Golola of Uganda, the man who kicked River Nile out of Uganda, the man who takes breakfast of cement, adding iron bars as accompaniment. I’m so magnetic that when I enter an internet caffe all computers go: “Found a new Device”. What about! BAUER: Ha ha ha! Keep joking, I will do to you what I did to Fayed and Gredenko. Ever since 24 showed on American TV, there has been no major terrorist attack in the USA because terrorists are afraid of me. In fact Habib Marwan preferred to fall off the building and have his brain splash out than stand in front of me. So who can now talk of this little bwuoy called Moses? By the way, why do you call yourself ‘Moses Golola of Uganda’? GOLOLA: Because I am not like other Ugandans. I am the only Ugandan who can pocket while naked. Can you believe I registered my Warid Simcard in 1982? Do you know that I met and joked with Christopher Columbus, John Speke, Vascodagama and James Grant? By the way what brings you to Uganda, jack? BAUER: I was invited to reduce your population; I was told that it’s soaring uncontrollably high. I believe you understand that the only reason the Chinese kept me alive was so that I could bring down their exploding population. GOLOLA: I hope you know that Uganda’s population is increasing at a high speed because I make women pregnant by merely looking at them. I hope you didn’t come with your sister coz 9 months later she would deliver black twins. I’m going to tear you apart. I will throw one part of you in Rwanda and the other in Congo. I will scatter your pieces. I am such a bad man that I even fear myself. You can read badness on my fingerprints. BAUER: I don’t take fingerprints; I take fingers. I am telling you to shut up and never make noise again until I leave Uganda. GOLOLA: And why should I do that? BAUER: First, because you have no option and secondly because that might attract my mercy. And you know my mercy means quick interrogation. GOLOLA: In the meantime we have other interesting figures you’d surely love to meet. For instance Kahinda Otafire, Jeniffer Musisi, Ken Lukyamuzi the man, Nambozo, Ottunu, Seya, and of course the Lord Mayor who speaks English that I can’t understand. He says words that sound like ingnicto defacto. BAUER: So as we conclude our conversation, what is the most beautiful thing you can tell me that’s so unique and special about Uganda? GOLOLA: Only one thing: AUTHORS’ FORUM – THE GATHERING OF 400 CREATIVE MINDS IN ONE AUDITORIUM. This is an inspirational event organized by WORLD OF INSPIRATION. And since it’s happening again on Wednesday 6th Nov, 5:30pm to 8:30pm, join us the National Theatre and get inspired. And since the theme is ‘LEADING FROM YOUR STRENGTHS’, people will love to see you and I, the 2 people that are stronger than Badanga – the strongest man in Singapore. You may find a reason or two to shoot ’24 LIVE ANOTHER DAY’ in Uganda. BAUER: Ayishiiiiiii, I am going to ensure that Chloe and the entire CTU team closes all the roads and panyas so that the only roads open are those leading to the National Theatre for this MAGOGOMUS inspirational event. My friend Scofield has promised to come and break every prison in Uganda so that everyone comes to get inspired. I am also going to ask Mark Zuckerberg to install a Firewall (sorry, Bauerwall) on Facebook so that no one will access it at the time for the event – everyone has to concentrate at the National Theatre. BAKE: Then I woke up…. Damn it! It was a dream! Well, at the AUTHORS FORUM of 6th Nov, don’t miss rubbing shoulders with the shakers, breakers and makers of history. The guest speakers include ANTHONY GITONGA (a top Kenyan leadership coach, business consultant and bestselling author of ‘MADE FOR GREATNESS’) and IAN ORTEGA (a 21-year old enterpreneur that has created for himself a business empire and now employs CEOs). There will be electrifying poetry, dance, musical performances and mind-sharpening competitions.
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 15:09:53 +0000
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