We have gone from shock, disbelief, anger, reality checks, back to shock and disbelief. We have been speechless and brought to tears, we have laughed, loved and been more aware. We have experienced every emotion there is in the last few months. And even with all of that, it is still so incredibly difficult to put my feelings into words. There are no words to express the feelings I have. I cant even explain them to myself. How do you adequately put this loss into words. It is truly as if a piece of me is gone. It so incredibly frustrating as a mom that there is nothing I can do to fix this or make it better. There is NOTHING I can do, how can that be?? How can I not fix this? Havent I worked the last almost 11 years at being Super Mom? Surely Super Mom can fix this. Surely I can mend the broken hearts in this house. But no, I cant. I cant fix this, I can just hope to grow from it. I can hope to teach my kids how to grow from this. I can teach them how strong love is and how unconditional love is. Some people never get to see the love that we have seen and felt since that week in January. The most tremendous thing I take away from this is the incredible irony of this all. Bens death has brought us together. Bens death is bringing change, Bens death with not go unnoticed. But if Ben was alive right now and we were remembering another boy, he would be the first person in line to try to bring about change and then saw how lucky we are or how good all this is. He had such a way about him that put everything into perspective. Ben was 7 and he had life figured out. How many of us do? He did. He knew what was important and he lived everyday of his life to the fullest. I love him and miss him so much, that smile, those eyes, his voice. I miss his voice so much. He filled this house with his presence, I miss that so much. #benwashere Thanks for listening tonight. Peace and Love 💙
Posted on: Thu, 03 Apr 2014 01:16:46 +0000
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