You know, women have a lot of things to deal with in life. The menstrual cycle, hormone fluctuations, pregnancy, etc. But as a man, I have to deal with a lot of stuff, too. And a majority of all these things stem from the core truth that I am an idiot. A good example would be last night. On the way back from Branson last night, I was texting a friend who was in Kansas City. They said something along the lines of, HOLY SHIT, ITS RAINING HARD!. When I received this text, I looked outside my window to only be confused by nothing but a few sparks in the sky followed by low rumbles emanating from the clouds. However, just a few minutes later, the car I was in was being bombarded by sheets of rain to the point where it was getting difficult to see the road and even harder to hear the radio that was blaring just a few seconds prior to this storm that had come from apparently nowhere. By the time we had reached our destination, the rain had ceased and everyone was ready to head to bed. At this point, I was still 40 minutes away from my comfy bed in KC. I was offered a bed, but I decided to decline. The rain had let up, right? The storm had passed. I could just drive home. So I got into my car, started up my Silver Ford Focus, and drove for a minute on gravel roads till I hit the highway. As my tires reared over the black asphalt to start their journey towards KC, raindrops started to gently splatter my windshield. This was the beginning of the end. The farther I got to KC, the more the rain picked up. Five minutes into my drive, people say that rain comes down in sheets, right? Well this was coming down in comforters. When I realized I couldnt make my wipers work any faster, I got a little scared. When I realized that turning on my brights wasnt helping me see the road any better, I freaked out a little. When it was raining so hard that it felt like mother nature was taking a fire hose to my car, I wanted to defecate in my pants. I was seriously considering shoving my head out my window to see if that would allow me to actually see the road. The only time I was able to partially see the stripes telling me where it was ok to drive was when lightning was crashing through the skies. Thankfully, it was striking constantly. I felt like I was in the remnants of Hurricane Katrina or some long lost cousin. Aunt Typhoon Tamara, maybe. It finally let up after five minutes of my safest driving excursion ever. If I would have driven like that during my drivers test, I wouldnt have failed my exam twice (almost ran into a bicyclist the first time and about got into a wreck the second). I got to my house and about toppled onto the wet street to thank God I somehow made it there. Yep. Should have just stayed at my friends house.
Posted on: Thu, 07 Aug 2014 17:35:47 +0000
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