no full stops, please : Part V Soliloquy 24 Studying Hard? or, Hardly Studying? I sigh for my studious youth. Im attacked with nothing-state. My brain nearly stops working now. And, I just feel my head empty. How to escape from this plight? I study nothing; even if I do by any chance, I do it for nothing. Nothing comes around. Everything seems to say Goodbye. And, Im forgetting everything except those stupid Goodbyes! I cant relax. I feel like going to an island alone, all alone. Thats the greatest place to relax. Im now whispering to the wind, moon, and night. Days turn to nights, nights turn to days. All invite me to that island. Im now trying to find some bliss of illness, mental though. . . . . . . Life didnt come to me with a user-manual. So, Ive every right to use and abuse it. And, I know my body just makes the mirage of my mind, my present life. Not everybody hates this state. Ive read at least four essays on the bliss of illness. Those writers can think about darkness better than light. In defense of illness, they wrote many convincing lines. I wonder how they even could think of such wonderful lines to show the good sides of illness. I cant think so. Illness means dependence, be it physical or mental. I hate dependence. Still, as far as I can remember, those writers views were not negative. They all had good sense of it and so had their essays. I was filled with a sense of admiration for hatred when I was obsessed in those. That was the golden time of my life. Gone that time! Great writers make sense of everything that we take for ordinary. Nothing is insignificant. Nothing is too small. Everything has its bliss to spread. We just fail at catching the brighter aspects. Theres bliss in solitude. Theres curse too. We see the curse. Curse is good enough to hide bliss. I can feel what youre thinking about right now. And, youre really right in your view. Ive not gone through such a state me mind yet. God forbids! And, any person in your place would surely be lost long before discovering the bliss. And, youre one of those blessed few Ive seen till now, who are evergreen in their thoughts, works. I salute this spirit! Youre already in the place where the mind is without fear, as Tagore said. So, what do you fear to lose? What youve is what youve earned. So, what if its lost? I hope it makes sense. . . . . . . . . You may wonder why such a depressing tone! . . . Im sorry if the tone depresses you. I lack youthful zeal. The better days are far away. I dreamt of touching the sky, now I feel that theres no ground to stand on. . . . . . I’m lying? Huh! . . . . Lying is an art especially when its done to a stranger! Am I a stranger to you? Am I? Are you sure? . . . . . Youre not missing it as thankfully youve not missed it yet. This is the best phase of life. You are flying. On a serious note, youthful zeal is connected with the state of mind…..nothing to do with age! What you are living is what God Wants you to live, because only He Knows why He does, what He does. And He does everything to make us happier people. Whenever my studies slow down, I always remember the line: Studying hard? Or, hardly studying hard? Hahahaha . . . . Its works as a wonderful tonic for smiling even at the time when I feel that Ive something to regret for being lazy. Its so amusing to think! . . . . . Hmm . . . Soliloquy 25 Don’t grow up. It’s a trap! Growing older is compulsory, but growing up is optional...... Just choose your options...... Plus make your camera your great friend......let it hide your flaws.... flawlessly! Hahahaha . . . . Hiding flaws flawlessly!! Good idea, huh? . . . . . . . Facebook is a great place to invent already known faces. Yes, you just have read it right. INVENT. Youve a childlike soul; if you dont have, make it so! Let yourself remain a child forever too.... Plan to be younger in your next birthday than your last one! No wrong in taking newer looks on Facebook. I feel like falling in love with some girls in Facebook at whom I even dare not look twice! Its cool, na? Love yourself, otherwise others wont. :) Soliloquy 26 (From my sister’s wall-post on my brother’s birthday) Happy Birthday Prashanta..... God bless... grow old but never grow up.... : Didi, Ive conveyed your message to him. He is so happy to hear from you. Didi, please dont tell him not to grow up. He is already too much childlike (sometimes, childish too). He has just passed 22 springs in his life. And, he is still 12 in my eye. I cant understand why he doesnt grow up. And, I dont want him to grow up. Didi, a very sad event happened last year on this very day. My maternal grandma died on the last 30th November. My mom has wept almost all day long. Why such things happen? The state of consolation and celebration is too tough to be in. But, here it goes! Was God wise enough to let this happen? I dont know! And, Ive no way to ask my mom or, my brother. Im missing my grandma. She was really a wonderful woman. My mom resembles her. I often wonder why moms are always so great! : Dear Sushanta….. life and death in material life is two sides of the same coin... in spiritual life... its the same...both are the beginning …on this day Prashanta started his journey in material world and this same day your grandma started her journey to where we all belong… more reason to rejoice…. So this day should be double joy...Of course missing a loved one is an important emotion...But one should not forget the bliss of divine journey…As for the mother since God couldn’t be everywhere…He made mothers… Moms are great… they have the power to kiss our foreheads and dissolve all our troubles…. I truly believe and realize that every day of my life…I just hope and pray that I am at least half the mother my mum was to me…I’ll think I did a great job.. Because I don’t EVER think I can ever fill her shoes! : True, didi. Its love, not time, that heals the pain . . . . Wonderful line, didi. Really love is such a great power itself. I often try to bathe in it whenever I feel depressed. My family is good enough to make me believe that Ive worth too. Very few of my friends (of course youre one of them :)) try to make this belief stronger. I like to be convinced in such cases. What else is in life?! My dad and mom are the most tender-hearted parents Ive ever seen or heard about. I dont know if people can be more generous! Im not an easy person to put up with and I dont know who taught them to do this toughest task! My grandma lived in India along with all my maternal aunts and uncles. She died there too. After that my mom was in India for one month only in the midst of my uncles and aunts. My mom has sacrificed nearly every emotion for the sake of me and my brother. I dont know how it could be possible. But, she has done it. She never travels if it means any inconvenience for us. I dont know how a person sacrifices so much. I can hardly think of anything being away from my family. Its my heaven. My parents are the Gods here. Didi, Ive liked you idea on life and death. I read about it in Oshos books. Youve stated it more clearly. Really, both are just two separate journeys. But, its not easy to say Goodbye. And, life is not easy enough not to have to say Goodbye. Why do we say Hello when we know weve to say Goodbye? The more pleasant a Hello is, the more tormenting a Goodbye is. Didi, I salute your spirit . I know someday Neel will surely write the same thing about you when hell write on his friends wall. Youre worthy of it, I can feel. . . . Id never to believe any Heavenly God after Id felt what my parents are. Im what Im only because theyre what theyre. I can feel it sincerely within my soul. And, theres another wonderful presence in my life. Hes my younger brother. He is never bothered about his stupid brother. These are my everyday stories. . . . . . I wish freedom didnt cost too much. But, it seems to cost. Is it the true worth freedom deserves? Should it be so much? Or, even more? Or, less? I often wonder! Soliloquy 27 I never regret that Ive not yet travelled round the world. Ive been round the sun once a year ever since I was born. : Foreign travel is pleasant chiefly because it makes us realize that were among novelties, but when were sufficiently awake to see the constant flow of novelties in the world at our doors or inside our homes, we can enjoy all the excitement of foreign travel along with the pleasure of being at home. I dont mind reading about the ends of the earth in fictions (some of these books are really wonderful :)) or travel books. That often makes me satisfied about any cravings I may have had for distant travel, or at least to have made a vicarious jaunt round this pigmy earth a matter of small consequence. . . . . . . Do you think that philosophy will be safe in my hands?! Or, will I be safe in the hands of philosophy?! . . . . Its not all about my being optimistic. Sometimes I just try to make myself a bit difficult to disagree with. Thats all that other care about. . . . . As long as travelling is yet to become a pleasant pursuit considering all the opportunities, vicarious pleasure derived from reading habit and wandering mind serve well not to be upset being at home. Travelling by mind is more soothing than travelling by transport. And, when mind and transport travel together, we can expect a masterpiece. Soliloquy 28 Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation. God dwells within you, as you. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert, ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ Ive been thinking for the last few days that were to be ruined to be reconstructed. And, perhaps Im going through this stage now. I dont know how much or less Ill be able to reach the next state. Let time say. Every single mistake is a great teacher to learn from. Whenever I used to pray, a great force within me tried to make its way to serve the purpose of my prayer. Thats God, I often thought. Later on, I lost my faith in any man-made God. I felt every impulse is just a result of inspiration. And, our own thoughts are the master to govern us. Emotion quest is more important than intelligence quest. Id have been a genius by this time if I didnt submit my IQ. IQ derived from EQ works better. But, were often taught how to derive EQ from IQ. . . . . Ive often seen that most pious men are the poor men. Is God unjust? No, the reason is, feeling the presence of God is more than being present near God. The nearer to the church, the farther from God. Soliloquy 29 People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and thats what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person youll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master... ~ Elizabeth Gilbert, ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ This book sounds to be a newer The Secret aiming at revealing the intrinsic human nature and its subsequent impacts on life and elements of life. A soul-mate teaches you to be born only not to die or even to embrace death if not chosen carefully. And, the writer seems instruct us to make our journeys from older entities to newer without being much cognizant about those spiritual journeys. Yes, our soul or spirit matters much! But, its not worth altering our mates when we run the risk of being back to ordinary state we were once. Living forever with a soul-mate is suicidal only as long as were not concerned about the change, otherwise the power within is good enough to revive and we feel the great escape from the hazards of being transformed. Transition from one soul to another is often too tough a venture to undertake especially when we fail at finding out perfect soul-providers! Soliloquy 30 Becoming ill is the most convenient way to convince yourself of being on facebook! Head works less, fingers work more! Its what I feel now. : Still sick? Or, just sick of studying? lol ... Awww I was just kidding... hope you get better..... Vitamin C is good... orange... lime... all good.... feel better... stay cozy! : Thank you my dear sister for being with me. I was running a high temperature of 103-104 degree Fahrenheit on the day before yesterday. And, at that night measles developed on some parts of my body. Now, Im taking medicine as doctor suggested. I hate being ill. Over the past few years, Ive never been so ill (physically, for sure; not of something else!) . . . . Yes, Im feeling much better. Hope Ill be recovered totally in two days. What hurts me most is my inability to study hard. My exams are commencing from the next January. One thing, Ive thought a lot about your soul-mate concept. As Im a bit emotional, I could hardly think of letting soul-mate go as I meet another. Will soul-mates fight among themselves if I keep them all at the same time? Or, will I be out of my soul when two or more arenas of thoughts cross through my mind overlooking each other? Really confusing, didi! I think, I must go through that book. Have you got it yet? I must know more thoroughly about the writers perception.
Posted on: Sat, 15 Nov 2014 17:04:45 +0000
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