since somehow i have not been open enough about this??? (dunno how) hi (waves) i have clinical depression! and stuff! stuff like fibromyalgia, and arthritis, and seizures, chronic pain, and heart problems, and ... stuff! no i dont want it and i dont like having it..... anyone who says people WANT a chronic illness is themselves in need of serious help. yes this is set public. people need to know they are not alone, and i have always been pretty open about all this. I AM ALWAYS WILLING TO TALK. i mean i may be busy right now, but you get the idea. so most of the time my depression is mild, and quite manageable. various therapists have stated that it SEEMS i may have _mild_ chemical depression, which makes me VERY vulnerable to appropriate depression from really depressing/outside/normal stuff. others have said i have moderate year round depression complicated by SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder... aka the winter blues) shrug, whatever codes make the insurance folks happy i guess. basically my baseline is low so when something that would send a normal person low hits me, its bad. i go very low, and it takes me a lot longer to recover. sometimes my baselines gets lower than that either from perfectly normal reasons or i dunno reasons... and then i have usually been on medication... unfortunately.... i am one of those people who has REALLY bad reactions to most anti depressants. as in they make it way way worse. instead of better. MOST people find a medication that helps them with minimal side effects. (it can take several tries) MANY go through several didnt help meds before they get to one that works a FEW have really bad bad reaction lucky me (sarcasm) ---------yada yada example yada yada----- one medication made me incredibly sensitive to heat (as in 8 hospital trips in two years for heat exhaustion and etc) the others have sent me suicidal. the nortryptaline was a good example: it was really odd standing at school, sobbing for no good reason, thinking about throwing myself down an elevator shaft..... while a part of me was going ???? what? thats dumb, nothing is THAT bad.... also the elevator shaft is only like 2-3 stories, thats hardly a rational way to.... ... (realization that i wanted to kill myself) .... (realization that i was being REALLY stupid about how to do it) ... yup, its gotta be the meds i went to a crises center, they agreed it was the meds, and i was rational enough to go off them at home but i was not allowed to handle sharps. so i had to withdraw from 2 out of 3 classes. because scissors you know took me two months to recover _____ its NOT normal for me to be suicidal. i have friends where their depression does make them suicidal. mine just makes me alternately have no energy or ambition, and be angry at everything i also have chronic pain, both from the arthritis, knee and back inuries, migraines, and the fibromyalgia. its been pointed out that any rational person would get depressed with chronic pain and yes maybe if we could deal with that it would help good luck with that. the best meds anyone ever gave me only ever took the edge off. the ones that REALLY work leave me sort of zombified. so ...no. because out of pain but sitting staring into space for 8 hours doesnt cut it with me. so i just work with it, and take my vitamin D and get lots of sunlight and try (despite other health issues) to get some exercise ... because all of that is band aid level but at least its not making me WORSE so. you have health issues? family issues? depression? all of them ganging up on you? you are TOTALLY not alone and no not everyone has all the same issues everyone deals with their own cross to bear in their own way and everyone tolerates different levels of stress. and maybe what works as a band aid for me will help you, maybe it wont. maybe the meds that half killed me will be the best thing EVER for you... or maybe you will have issues with them. but anyway here i am. also there are a LOT of comediens and cartoonists who dealw ith this crp. its our way of coping. lots of artists have issues, actually since my main art skills are making clothes and helping people organize their wardrobes... i do that. for a lot of folks looking better and feeling more in control of how they look helps. but you should read some of the works that touch on it from peoples whose art is writing, or commics, or somethiing too anyway i have to go, i have an appointment with something called work and sunlight
Posted on: Mon, 13 Oct 2014 15:48:01 +0000
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