As soon as I started following Jesus, a lot of my temptations completely disappeared, but there were others that didn’t seem to want to leave. There were still things I wanted to do or take part in, and there was something especially potent about this temptation. It would call my name, and I couldn’t seem to say no. This would result in an endless cycle of guilt and despair because once I was a Christian, I knew I shouldn’t be wanting those things. I was under the false impression that Jesus was supposed to make these temptations disappear instantly. The life I had chosen to live in previous few years haunted me, chased me, and wooed me all the time. I knew I shouldn’t give in, but there was still a part of me that thought, Who cares? What’s a little fun? No one will know. Part of me deeply wanted it, but another part of me knew there was something better and tried to convince me that it wouldn’t bring the satisfaction it promised. Ultimately, I went through with it. Rather than trusting that God actually wanted to bring me deeper joy, I thought I knew better what would make me happy. You never forget the feeling after, you felt hollow, and like Peter, a feeling of guilt and betrayal. I was a Christian now. I knew better. I wasn’t supposed to do that anymore! I felt shame and worthless and thinking I had completely failed God and that He must hate me now. What’s more evil? Being blind and living in ignorance, or knowing what is right and still doing what is wrong? I had known it was wrong, but I did it anyway. While stewing in my own shame and guilt, this still, small voice whispered into the depths of my soul: I love you, I desire for you t draw closer to me, I saw you were going to do that before I went to the cross, and I still went. I didn’t hear those words in my ears, but felt them whispered into my soul. Immediately I felt relief, I hadn’t surprised God, I hadn’t caught Him off guard. When Jesus went to the cross, He saw all I’ll ever be, all I’ll ever do, and all I’ll ever want outside of Him; but He joyfully came and got me. He chose me and said, “I want that one.” I couldn’t earn it, and I don’t deserve it. But He freely loves me and gave me grace. Not only did I not deserve His love in that moment, but if anything, I deserved the opposite. But He chose to let His beauty and splendor pour out of Him and into my ugliness. For the first time I realized just how inadequate I was. I realized just how incapable I was of freeing myself from sin. I was sitting in this filth and couldn’t get out when grace came and got me. We don’t have to hide the fact that we are messy because God doesn’t hide the fact that that’s exactly the type of people He came to save. Jesus paid the price on our behalf. All our sins. All our filth. All our guilt. All our shame. That type of grace, when understood, turns people’s lives upside down. And to the one who does not work but believes in him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness. — Romans 4:5 People try to take advantage of grace all the time asking themselves, “How close can I get to this line without getting in trouble?” I fully believe that as a Christian you can take advantage of grace, but when you’ve truly tasted it, you never will. When you’ve experienced the joy and life of Christ in you, then nothing is as satisfying anymore. It’s not that you want to use His grace to do all the things you used to love. Those things no longer are attractive to you, and you love Him now! There is something about that grace, though, that just rubs some religious people the wrong way. True grace can’t be controlled. It can’t be tamed. It can’t be used by the leadership to manipulate the people. It’s wild. And you have to trust it will do its job. God’s grace is an alluring, compelling, stunning, and powerful, and the best part about that type of grace is that it changes people. Real grace loves us right where we are, but it loves us too much to keep us there. We need rescuing. And God does exactly that. We know we’ve accepted God’s transforming grace if we begin to look different. Don’t think grace is beyond your grasp. God is offering it to you. It’s free. And it’s life-giving. Will you trust Him? (My thoughts and gleanings from Jefferson Bethke)
Posted on: Tue, 08 Oct 2013 01:56:38 +0000
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