My fellow single men and women: Dating is supposed to be fun, but can end up being confusing, complicated, or downright painful. Why? Most perpetual problem areas in my personal life are caused by myself, to be frank and honest. ...We need to step back and realize that we have different approaches and features of our personality in different situations and circumstances. What this means is that we have different personas (or features of our personality) that we show at different times. So we have a public persona (which is the way we present ourselves to the public/world), a workplace persona (which is the the way that we present ourselves at work or when conducting business), we have a close family/ close friends persona, and lastly we have the DATING persona. Letss focus on the dating persona for now. Because the most well put together people in all other areas of their personality seem to have trouble with their dating persona: (and I am not excluded, lol) Most single men and women were never taught how to date or how to have a meaningful, fruitful, and progressive dating/courting relationship. We go through our teens and 20s experimenting with different dating personalities and over the years we accumulate a very intricate and unclear web of healthy and unhealthy dating habits, mixed with risky and nonsensical behaviors and present this person to our prospective mates. Truthfully we are all over the place with our internal emotions, motives, and expectations. This is a problem. Not understanding who you are and what you portray to others when dating can sabotage your chances with every new potential mate that comes your way, and make a newfound relationship hard to properly ferment or develop into anything worth writing home about. So the cycle of short lived relationships repeats itself, and you remain frustrated, hurt, and continue to default to your dysfunctional dating persona because its your go to act; its all you know. Solution? A few things you can begin to do now that will go a long way and positively impact your dating future. 1, all, or some may apply. Take what you need and leave the rest where it is: 1). Take the outside looking in approach and view your dating persona and habits for what they really and truly are. Take note of your strengths, but also do some self reflection and appropriately call out and acknowledge your flaws. 2).. Be honest with yourself about the things you are doing wrong. For example, wanting too much too soon (physically for men/emotionally for women). 3). Slow down and enjoy the process of getting to know someone. True love takes time to bloom and grow. 3). Figure out what you want at this point in your life. Is it a friend/buddy? Is it getting back out there and dating for dating sake with no expectations? A husband? ... then pray and seek God for wisdom in carrying out your desires in a healthy and fruitful way. 4). Lose the Default dating persona who created over the years, and be yourself. Instead slowly reveal more and more about yourself as TIME progresses. Being an open book upfront and right off the bat is not always a good thing. Keep your date interested, and let curiosity and mutual interest run its course within the both of you as time progresses so you learn something new about one another each time you are together on a date. 5). Stop being so in love with the idea of falling in love that you make it a habit of wasting time with people you know are not right for you. Dating is not supposed to be difficult. Its meant to be enjoyable. 6). Stop going after a certain look. Looks are only skin deep. At a certain point of our lives if we are looking for something real we have to get real and stop being so superficial. Skin tones, hair, body types, and height. Thats all irrelevant. Its about the content of the persons character. 7). Do not attempt to stuff your new shoes if they are too big or kill yourself by wearing new shoes that are too tight. You are who you are. If the shoe fits, wear it. If you have to stuff it or painfully squeeze into it, thats not the shoe for you. Metaphorically speaking. 8). Remind yourself of this often, The route to a successful dating relationship starts with me. Dating is not bigger than me. I am able to conquer my faults of the past and overcome ALL of my bad dating habits and behaviors I have the victory in Christ Jesus, and my faith applies to my love life as well my spiritual life because God cares about all aspects and areas of my life I love you and you are worthy! Peace & Love
Posted on: Tue, 03 Dec 2013 16:58:48 +0000
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