Once upon a time, I was the most precious person on the planet. I was given all that a child ever wanted, complete adoration. I was the apple of someone’s eye. I was told, “I need you, you are my life.” I loved that, I was so important. My presence on the planet enabled someone else to be so happy and all children seek and need adoration. I was important to someone in a way that no other could be. The journey from adoration to manipulation as you are groomed, to the slow grinding down of your soul, to the ultimate betrayal, to the moment of desolation and for some, the feeling that your mind and body are lost — dead to you forever. The day that your abuser begins to manipulate you, you are never to be blamed — it’s hard to remember this, but it’s true. You experience what every human wants — love. You are a vulnerable child and believe in “Once upon a time” and “Happily ever after.” Children seek love as eagerly as they seek food. A “person” comes into your life, promising and showing you love and adoration like no other. I don’t know the day that cuddles turned to something that was not cuddling and love turned into an evil invasion of my body. It occurred so slowly that one day I was on a pedestal, the next I was scared and trapped. I don’t know the date that I felt this isnt nice anymore. But by the time I did, I was so entwined in a relationship of fear and manipulation, groomed to be what my abuser needed that I was unable to end it. I was only a child, seeing things in black and white. That even though it felt wrong and would make me cry, I knew that I had to continue in order to survive. Unlike some victims, I knew my abuser(s). Naming my anger is so hard at times, but these “abuses of love” is sometimes more soul destroying than the acts of abuse themselves. For abusing a child’s love is abusing innocence and that to me was a very hard step on the journey of forgiveness. In the midst of abuse and its aftermath it is so natural to feel alone, but I remember those moments of confusion and held on to the only thing I understood, hope and the will to live. For some miraculous reason from as early as I can remember I had a trust in God, and I give thanks everyday as it made it possible for me to have knowledge of hope. SF
Posted on: Tue, 08 Jul 2014 03:49:00 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015