THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and youll have to pee. Law of Gravity Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of Random Numbers If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. Law of the Alibi If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Variation Law If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). Law of the Bath When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. Law of Close Encounters The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you dont want to be seen with. Law of the Result When you try to prove to someone that a machine wont work, it will. Law of the Theatre At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. The Coffee Law As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Murphys Law of Lockers If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. Law of Logical Argument Anything is possible if you dont know what you are talking about. Browns Law of Physical Appearance If the shoe fits, its ugly. Wilsons Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. TOO MUCH DETAIL After 3 years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. Cmon, tell me, she asked for the thousandth time, how many women have you slept with? Baby, he said, if I told you, youd throw a fit. Kim promised she wouldnt get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her. Okay, he said, One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then theres you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13. HOW ABOUT A CONTRIBUTION? Two well-dressed, matronly women entered the business office and approached an executive. Sir, said one, we are soliciting funds for the welfare and rehabilitation of wayward women. Would you care to donate? Sorry, replied the exec, but I contribute directly. FINAL THOUGHT Mans greatest labor-saving device is the love of a rich woman.
Posted on: Sun, 26 Jan 2014 15:31:34 +0000
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