This is really long... But Dear first love... People always ask me why I cant just get over you and just move on from you... If you really want to know, read it. God, I dont know where to start.. I really dont. When I met you, I really had no clue youd be so important to me. I thought you were just one of those kids, at the time I never really talked to boys because I was being over protected by my family but you came around and changed all that. We started talking and it had felt really different, like special. You made me laugh the first day I met you, had me laughing for hours.. We talked a lot more and I remember you asked me what would you do if I just asked you out... And I had no clue what to say because I was scared of having a serious relationship because of my brothers tbh.. I remember all the times we just talked on FB for forever, all nighters always and finally after months of liking each other , you asked me out and I said yes.. I Remember braking up like 3 days after and I was so broken hearted.. At least I thought I was (Ill explain more further in the paragraph).. I remember making one of the biggest mistakes of my life and the biggest regret in MY ENTIRE LIFE. Hurting you, and thankfully you forgave me for it, I really didnt want to hurt you and I still hate myself till this day for it. You didnt deserve that at all.. Well I remember I was always so shy and scared to chill with you because I didnt know what to think, I really fell for you.. Well, we dated off and on for like ever.. I was still really shy around you and I always got this amazing feeling when I talked to you, all those times at junaines house, and everything. I Remember the first time you called me on my birthday right at 12 and stayed up with me till 6 on the phone even on your way to school. So were off and on, just two kids liking each other, and one day I realized... I dont see anyone else when Im around you. I really like you. Then soon enough, that like wasnt liking anymore.. I loved you. How I know? I cant tell you, because explaining why you love someone, is like explaining what water taste like. I fell in love with the way you looked at me, it was like 3 years in and I still liked you. Always something about you. Then one day, October 30, 2012.. The night I will never forget and still talk about till this day is when it all really began. We were laying down and it was 3:36 in the morning and just us were awake and i remember the words so clearly as they still play in my head over and over Katlyn, will you be my girlfriend I said yes and I honestly thought it was gonna be a 1 week relationship like every other time. But this time was different. I remeber the first day you came over my house alone and it was just me and you.( and my family of course) I remember how nervous I was because I was still sort of shy around you. But right when you came over I felt this click.. and all of a sudden I felt comfortable around you. As soon as you know it you came to my house every weekend all the way from New Hampshire on a train because I meant that much to you. I could never repay you for that, that was honestly the most amazing thing to do. I remember we spent every weekend together, just chilling at my house and a few weeks past and we were arguing like crazy, but so in love. We never wanted to be away from each other, we even planned on running away together, I REMEBER that one night I went to your house because you left your charger and I ran up to give it to you, and with a straight face you looked at me and said lets run away together, you and me wow Im actually crying now haha.. But we always planned our future, get married, have kids, dogs and snakes ^.^❤️💕😌 , we used to always chill in my house, eat, argue, but after every argument wed be kissing 5 mins later, cause youd look at me with your beautiful eyes and smile at me as your dimples pressed in your cheeks (weakness) I remeber when it was time for you to go home I just didnt want you to leave. We never wanted to be away from eachother, Id cry in your arms and youd hold me and remind me that youll be here next weekend. when you got home we would phone it all night, text all day and oovoo all night and the cycle repeated till you came over again. I REMEBER we spent Christmas together and you begged your dad to spend all of New Years break with me, I remember how amazing those days were😓 . I remember that one time we were driving u home and as we were getting close to your house I started to cry and in the backseat you picked me up and put me on your lap, held me and told me not to worry, and you took off your sweater and put it on me.. I Remember my cousin was driving u home and we switched the gps to a different location opposite of your house just so we could be together longer 😏💕 that was funny 😌 , I never wanted to be away from you, I was so clingy I and I know you hated it, but its because you mean the world to me and when Im with you Im the most happyest reminiscing on this shit always brings me to tears because all of that is just down the drain now. Losing you was the worst thing thats happened to me, all of my happiesness just disappeared, all of its gone. Ive loved you for so long and I really wish I was still that girl you were madly in love with, I wish I was that one that you couldnt compare to anyone else bc I just was still above all these girls, I wish I was that girl that rides out for you, always have your back, I wish I was still able to kiss you, wish I was still able to hug you and just tell you how much I love you. Not a day goes by where I dont think about you, your still always on my mind 24/7 I just dont get how you could probably read this and not even miss me as much as I miss you. When I read this I crave you, I wish we were still together Im not even joking. I wish nothing changed and we still was together, everything reminds me of you, and if I could chose anyone in this world IT WOULD BE YOU. Your the one I love, no matter who Im with. Your the only REAL Relationship I had, your the one Ill always love and always miss . I care for you so much and I wouldnt trade you for anyone. Your my happiness, my world, and even though were still not together your still my baby because you honestly were the most important thing thats happened to me, and I cry so much thinking about how well never be the same because we dont even try, but I get it, you wanna live your life and do you, thats fine but I really hope you come to the conclusion one day that I will always be there and your the one id chose over anyone. I hope one day we can get back to how it was because I know Im young but I was IN LOVE /; and I STILL AM. Kyle Ward, I will always love you and I hope one day down the road you will take me back into your life. I love you forever and always . Miss you. 10/30/12❤️ // your my 4 letter word💕❤️😔 ( and earlier in the paragraph when I said I thought I was broken hearted what I meant was that was nothing.. Losing the love of my life was broken hearted, that was just a breakup, Im broke hearted now because I cant have you)
Posted on: Thu, 10 Jul 2014 04:14:29 +0000
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