VERRA and the MINISTRY OF HUGE BEHINDS..#EXPLICIT CONTENT#read at your own risk!!! Verra has been notably quite and I have been at awe, thinking maybe she has gone to China for a surgery to have taps fixed to her boobs. Latest Rumor mill however has it that Verras skin is reacting from the effects of the 50M Mwosho Mmoja she underwent to bleach. Sources close to the source claim that the skin is now camouflaging like a kalahari desert chameleon; at daytime it turns orange and at night becomes as black as a phone charger. (God forbid). For those of us who wish her well always pray that it aint true. But I was not intending to write about Verra (see how I am intentionally using double r). Let me start off with a million dollar question. What does Vera Sidika, Ripser Faith, Corporal Linda and my former girlfriend have in common? If you have said they are all women, you wasted your father’s fees. If you have said they all like attention,you are a genius, go to Switzerland and claim 2014 Nobel Peace Prize for your distinction.. kungu are you high?Asha!! Since that crazy day Verra’s butt hit our screens, the buttocks industry has gone through an industrial revolution only equal to the Iron Age insurgency of 16th century. She discovered the 4th law of motion which states that ‘Kenyan’s men libido is directly proportional to the size of the butt walking ahead of them”. It dawned to her that she was sitting on her future- literally. To socialites, their bum is their office. It is to them a business venture, an economic mountain (*pun intended) and an investment opportunity. This obsession about huge bottoms made me remember something- ‘New York.’ Just follow me carefully. The most delicious, roundest, tightest, yellow, stunning and charming rump have ever seen was at my infamous high school. Ms. Densielle Kaigwa, a humanities teacher, was its owner. Her rump was more popular than the Dining hall and more famous than the school principal. We composed songs for it and recited poems on its honor. It was a symbol of unity and the only motivation we looked forward for the school to open. We nick named it New York. Whenever she walked, at least 100 eyes would be succeeding New York as Ms. Kaigwa swayed it precariously whenever she realized it had our attention. We in fact re-nicknamed our School bus New York such that whenever you were inside the bus you assumed you are riding on New York itself (What have I said there). We used to call her history lessons Homo Erectus- forget about the Homo and think about the Erectus bit. During her lesson, everyone was sweating. I remember one day when a nigga called njontez fainted during a double lesson. A 90 minute hard ‘standing ovation’ had drained all blood from his head and directed it to his manhood. The school’s sanatorium nurse had to place a block of ice on the inflexible organ to retract the elasticity. We used to encourage her to write the notes on the board instead of dictating. She would oblige, face the board to write and as expected New York would face us. Some of us would then lift hands up in worship, others would start praying and the weak would even scream. In fact the joke that ‘unda sentensi ukitumia neno ukurasa,” and then a hoodlum says “Mwalimu anaandika kwa ubao ‘huku rasa’ ikitingika” was a true instance born in our class regarding New York. Any way, it suffices to say that most of us the only thing we could remember in the final exam was those New York’s fantasies. It made great differences Those who paid attention to Ms. Kaigwa are millionaires while those who paid attention to New York like me have nothing better to do than commentate on buttocks. In short, the obsession with big rumps isn’t a new phenomenon. All said, we need to convince our girl kids that BRAINS pay better than BUTTS. Just saying*misquoted
Posted on: Tue, 30 Sep 2014 09:21:09 +0000
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