Written by Travis Cutner 8/17/14 at 1:51 AM Finshed at 4:54 AM My Hell on Earth I have often thought about all the wrong that I have done and all the lies that I have done before finally knowing the truth. What is the truth? What war are we fighting daily? What is Hell on Earth? We have all heard religious leaders talk about heaven and hell and what we should do to prevent from going to hell and how to help us get to heaven. I’m generally not a sharing person but let me tell a story about my life from the beginning until this present day. I was born on August 11, 1979 and raised by my single mother in a house of 5 siblings in a low income household. My mom was a strong hard working woman who sacrificed ever day to give my family stability and provide what we needed. Even though we were a poor family, we had a large support system and would often bounce around with other family members when we needed a place to stay. My father was a strong man who never laid a hand on me or my siblings but would often drink to get through his own personal problems and hardship of this world and then take it out on my mother. Growing up in a house of five in a military based poor family had plenty ups and downs, that helped make me and my siblings stronger, but also made us aware of how cruel this world could be. Our family was a mixture of Christian, Baptist, and Jehovah witness but a god believing environment. The cruelty of this world has also made us sometimes cold, but hard as a rock when it comes to dealing and handling certain situations. Let’s fast forward to modern time after being saved, after the death of a cousin, after the death of a uncle, after the murder of a brother, after traveling the world, after playing professional sports, after having 2 children, after Vegas/ Cali AKA Kickboxing, After contracting overseas, after finding my soul mate, after a covenant marriage, after coming home finally, and now discovering the TRUTH. I have dedicated my life back to God not only to save my life, my soul, but to save my family from this Hell on Earth. I was a man, who many will say was very blessed with talent, skills, and opportunity. I didn’t appreciate them in my younger years, or they just didn’t satisfy a hunger which I had inside and some I just wasn’t ready or equipped to handle. God always brings things that we have done into the light and me and my life partner made a commitment to our father under different reason but still in our own twisted love. We both within the time before our covenant fell tempted to sin for separate reasons, and mostly due to short comings from the other and our fear. I can only speak for me, but I knew I was wrong to confide in someone else, even if I have known them for quite a while there was still know justification. Even though during the time of my sins began, No titles were involved, and the fear kept me sinning; I knew it was wrong because my heart, was with my soul. This world had taken my belief and twisted it with fear which kept justifying me to be a liar, a cheater, a hypocrite, a fake and nothing resembling a man or who I really am. The TRUTH is that we are always at war with the devil, but not just any devil, but the devil within ourselves, and the devil we allow in our lives. Our WAR is trying to follow the word of our lord a savior. How can you believe in God, but not the devil? How can you believe in the bible, but only the good parts and the not believe in the rest? How can you claim to have faith, but you can’t even remain steadfast when it’s your turn for his wrath? I am currently experiencing my Hell on Earth. Yes it’s my opinion but I believe that it’s the truth. I don’t know if it will or won’t last long, but I accept his will. It’s never hard and it’s a daily battle for me to keep my faith strong and remember to die daily. My Hell on Earth involves me and my life partner and our daily struggles with each other, our job statuses, our covenant, and our daily struggle with this world after knowing the TRUTH and seeing it for ourselves. Even though we know the truth, we fight, we don’t understand each other, we don’t see eye to eye, we don’t appreciate each other the way we should, and we don’t trust this world of men, or each other. I have always wanted a soul mate that knows me and believes how much I love and adore her for who she is and not what she has. I wanted someone who respect me, trust me, and has no reason to question my beliefs, decision, or actions. My present life is the exact opposite and I am humbled by it and realize who is in control of my life. I understand and thank God daily for this test of my life, while acknowledging his power and my vows I made to her and him will be kept to the end of my days. I am nobody to you, but I am special to our Father. This 1 year of my covenant has been the hardest and most emotional time of my life and I know that if it was left up to us, we wouldn’t have made it this far. We have some good days also, but only after we shut out the outside influences and focus of us. We know that he has and still is watching over us in all that we do, but it still doesn’t make our life any easier. He helped us create our own Golden Rules but at times we don’t follow most of them but we try to remain honest at any and all cost. When you become a man, you accept all of your past, the sins, the life of a cheater, all your lies, and you place them in God’s hands as he accepts your life and renews your mind, your spirit, your heart and your soul. Our world today is designed to stop us from knowing or discovering the truth, and /or just dismissing the truth. We are at war daily and some of us are experiencing our own Hell on Earth, but we must remain steadfast if we believe that we are worthy of his blessings. Remember the words… THOSE WHO ENDURE UNTIL THE END….. You know it but will you. It’s no easy task but God knows us if no one else does. I am a faithful servant and child of God, who is a sinner, but who has remained faithful, honest, and true after making a covenant with the father. My actions are in a pure/ renewed heart to please our God and complete the task which he assigned me to do. I love my soul mate and haven’t betrayed o intended to betray her in any way in this present of future time. I am gratefully for her support financially for over 3months being the bread winner of the household. I believe that she is beautiful and multitalented and hope that one day she can see me as the man I truly am and don’t judge or see me as that shell of a man who I was in my past and not just someone who is un worthy of her and unknowledgeable about how to be a man. I could write for hours and hope this or that, but the fact is, that HELL ON EARTH is real and love will only take you so far, but trusting in the Father, and giving your life over to GOD will sustain you until the end. I know that God is everything and that we are nothing but children who are easily influenced by our surroundings due to fear, hate, pride, love, family, friends, religion, personal belief, and our past. I have started to break the chains that held me down for my whole life, my eyes are finally open and I can finally see, what’s waiting for me at that finish line. We can never be perfect and yes we don’t trust in MAN but he said TRUST in HIM and HIS WORD that IS ETERNAL. Not Some of his word, but ALL of his word. Thanks for letting me confess my sins, and for helping take a step closer in manhood, and in my journey to get closer to our father. HE WILL ALWAYS LOVE US AND NEVER LEAVE US.
Posted on: Sun, 17 Aug 2014 08:56:41 +0000
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