You are asleep and I suddenly felt like talking about everything I was holding in. Wake up and let me talk to you about how alone it feels in my skin, How I cry everyday on the bathroom floor because I feel so helpless, How I cant still talk to God and how he doesnt pat on my back anymore. How I only feel okay when you touch me, How ugly and pathetic I feel underneath this strong mask I put on, How I want to fall on my knees and weep for days, How my losses are bigger than me, How I only hold on because I know if I let go for a second I might never be the same person I am again, Did I mention how afraid and small I feel? Well, if I didnt here I am saying it again, I am small and I am afraid. I am afraid of the silent noise that surrounds me, Its like I am watching life goes on, on a muted TV, Its like I am living under the water, water everywhere, Water as tears, water as sweat from running away, and water that fills my lungs preventing me from breathing properly or moving easily, or hear what people are saying to me, Oh wait .. I can hear a few words .. They say it is gonna be fine .. its gonna be okay .. But what do they know? How can they know its gonna be fine when a piece of their heart wasnt chewed and spat into a grave in front of them.. How can they know it is gonna be fine when they dont feel how deeply unfair this world is as I do .. How can they know I am gonna be okay when the entire world doesnt bleed through their wounds like me.. I am walking around carrying the heaviness of the universe in my heart, dragging its losses like metal balls tied around my ankles, And I am just a scared small girl, And you are asleep, and I wanna talk to you and share all the darkness that I am fading into, Few hours and you will wake up, and ask me how I am, I will say I am fine, and will probably tell you that you are as pretty as the classical piece i am listening to currently, and I wont mention how afraid and small I feel all the time.
Posted on: Sat, 22 Nov 2014 23:02:06 +0000