6 Ways to Know When Its Time to Break Up........ Wrestling with the idea of ending a long-term relationship —especially one thats been pretty good, but just not right for you — is intensely stressful. How can you tell if its really time to break up and not just a rough patch? How hard should you try to fix a relationship before you give up on it? Theres rarely a universal answer, but there are a few things to keep in mind when youre not sure where your relationship is headed. 1. Youve given up on fighting.The most universal sign [its time to break up] is when somebody feels extremely withdrawn,detached and just doesnt feel like they have any heart or energy left to give. When people are still fighting, they still care enough to fight, says Dr. Ellyn Bader of the Couples Institute .If you dont think the relationship is worth trying to fix, that can be a big warning sign, and the same goes for your partners attitude. 2. A new approach doesnt help. If you really just have one major complaint, Dr. Bader recommends changing the way you encourage or discourage their problematic behavior before calling it quits. It might suck to be doing all the emotional work for a while, but its surprising just how much your attitude can affect your partners. If theyre still not stepping up or changing, it may be time to move on. 3. There was no spark to begin with. There are very few universal signs of a doomed relationship . So much can be fixed and changed, says Dr. Bader. But if youre not happy, look back to the beginning of the relationship. If you two didnt have that spark, that sense of being soul mates, and the relationship was more of one of convenience or just wanting to fill a void, theres very little to fall back on. 4. You have different core values. Fights about wanting or not wanting kids,religious views, or other major beliefs can start small but become huge problems as time goes on. If your partner cant respect and compromise on your views it probably isnt worth sticking around. 5. Rough patches are normal. Its normal and inevitable to have self-doubt. It’s going to happen, no relationship is on that high all the time, says Dr. Bader. Its pretty typical to feel like your relationship isnt where it used to be two to five years in. No matter how great the relationship was at the start, people can trigger some painful issues in each other. Just because the relationship isnt amazing every moment of the day, it doesnt always mean theres a deeper issue. 6. But dont stay just because it would be hard to leave. Factors like kids or leases/mortgages play a huge role in just how much effort you should put into fixing the relationship. All too often, Dr. Bader sees people leave a relationship before theyve tried to repair it. But major commitments like that arent a reason to stay in an unfulfilling relationship. If youve tried everything and nothing is changing, its better to move on, even if its going to be hard at first.
Posted on: Tue, 18 Mar 2014 09:03:56 +0000