A letter to my daughter Esther Salazar Looking back at “the day’ When we lost you to suicide. Almost 2 years ago when our agony and struggle began. And searching for answers to the multiple questions of “why” The empty space that you left in our hearts, of everyone that knows and love you. We get involved in community functions where other families like us, have also experience the loss of their love ones. We meet to try and find facts and not myths from studies that can help us find some kind of answers to the reasons behind our question of why and how can anyone who is so loved and needed is capable of taking their own lives. Wish you could tell me dear daughter; what did I do to deserve losing you, was it my fault, who hurt you so much that you were in so much pain. Please tell me so I can try to understand you. Did you know how destroyed everyone in the family was going to be by you not being here? Or how difficult it was to find the right words and how painful to tell your children…mami is gone to heaven? It doesn’t matter how you did it; the truth of the matter is that you are no longer with us, that we can no longer tell you how much we love you and that we can be here when you need us. I want you to know that I understand now, I don’t blame you for it, I am not angry at you either. Just please understand that your pain and struggles were mine too. There will never be another “YOU” coming home to visit me with a huge smile on your face….mami, I found you non-dairy whip cream….now you can eat that too!!! She totally made my day!!! Walking in with all the kids, all dressed up in army clothes…ready for water balloon battle and your beautiful unforgettable smile that could brighten up the darkest room. I miss you so much! Please come visit me again; even if it is only in my dreams, tell me that you are OK, and that you are no longer in pain or sorrow and that you finally found the peace that you were looking for. My dear child; I will always love and miss you, every moment of my life. I realize that I can’t help you with your struggles with suicide but; I will help others find ways to prevent and preserve a beautiful life such as yours….even if I have to tell a total stranger that I love them and will be there if I am needed, this I will do in honor of the precious life…yours that I couldn’t save. Mami is sending you a million kisses and hugs…be at peace my precious Esther Salazar…till we meet again. Love, Love, Love you Sincerely, Mom, Sandra Baltazar
Posted on: Tue, 05 Aug 2014 21:35:33 +0000
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