As much as I want it and feel like I would be happy with it. And the fact that I do put myself out there thinking or hoping maybe one day I will find that someone for me to be happy with. Im not sure I even want it. Because the pain and the sickness and heartache and tears and anger that I have to deal with just because I do want to be happy and then realize my life is not what I want right now or what I may ever want it to be. I really question how ready I am. But at the same time I dont want to feel alone or hurting and deal with that kinda of pain. I hate being alone but it hurts to be with friends who have someone when Im still at a loss for me. I love my friends and wouldnt trade them for the world . But I still feel alone and lonely even when Im with them . For this very reason . But I havent got a choice at a moment . Ive always been good enough as a friend and maybe thats all I ever be meant as good enough but still its confusing and hurts. Physically mentally psychologically emotionally but Im still struggling to deal with everything and how or why I struggle I dont know. But the pain will aka ways be there. I put myself out because Im lonely but loneliness will always be a staple of my life .
Posted on: Thu, 06 Mar 2014 08:04:50 +0000
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