Co-Parenting with an Abusive Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence There has never been any co-parenting. Ever. There has been parallel parenting at best. But I have learned to get as close to NC (No Contact) as possible. The day I finally accepted what so many people told me from day 1 -- that he will never co-parent or be involved in their lives -- was the day laced with heavy sadness but a freeing peace. I stopped begging and ceased to be his supply any longer. What are some things that have made life easier even with the little contact I do have with the psychopathic parent in my case? I follow the Parenting Plan to the t. In my state, there is a standard parenting plan that is a court mandate. It is issued when the parents legally split (one moves out) and is in effect until the divorce is final. A final parenting plan is signed at the divorce and it can be the same as the standard one or one that is more specific. Its not a parenting plan, really, because it only addresses who pays what medical bills, who makes educational decisions and what the visitation schedule looks like based on custody. It should really be called a Child Management Plan for lack of a better description. I hired a good lawyer to draft a final parenting plan before my trial. It cost me $1900 and I just paid off that bill after 2 years. This lawyer listened to me for hours about the P and how he behaved. He drew up a rock solid plan and the judge signed it. Had the psychopath been at court, or had his lawyer even read the plan, it would never had made it to the final signing. It is black and white regarding everything yet is written in a way that allows P to be an absent parent .. in other words, I dont have to ask the psychopath for permission for anything. No engagement and no opportunities for me to be his supply. The one area that the psychopath will not accept (because it is a boundary / rule / mandate) is the visitation schedule place, dates and times. He always wants exceptions to be made and I will not deviate from it. I stopped explaining myself long ago and my standard response has been please consult the parenting plan. 5pm is exchange time. He has not followed this once. He arrives at 5:15, 5:45, 5:55 yet never reaches the hour because parenting plan says I can leave with the child after waiting one hour. I have learned to not let this get under my skin because there is no point. I wait patiently, read a book, listen to music, talk on the phone, etc. I do not reply to any texts or emails from him or his lawyer that are not addressing something that is outlined in the Parenting Plan. Both of them communicate to me with anger, vehemence, and triangulation tactics. If I do reply, I state facts and suggest re-reading of the plan. No emotion from me. This took forever to learn! I have other people communicate to him regarding any issue with our children (because he has accused me of lying and jacking up medical costs). The school mails discipline reports directly to him. Doctors mail exam notes and information directly to him. Our sons friends parents contact him directly for play dates on his weekends. This is about creating a paper trail, really, for any future crap he may pull. I use text as only form of communication with him. No phone, no email, no letters. I send all text communication to my email and print out exchanges and file away. I have pages of tirades and foul language and such from him to me when I will not deviate from parenting plan. No replies from me accept please refer to the parenting plan. When we have to exchange our son for visitation, I arrive early and wait inside a restaurant or coffee shop. That way I have no visual contact with the psychopath or his wife who have always put on a good show of lovey-dovey when Ive seen them. And to be honest, I have had mini anxiety attacks when I have seen him. Out of site, out of mind. I have accepted 100% responsibility of medical co-pays and college expenses for all 3 of my sons without his help. Many people are angry at me for letting him get away with it, but there was no other way. I began the process of secondary support for college expenses and it was a complete nightmare through his lawyer, etc. Horrible. Child support is garnished from his wages and deposited directly into my checking account. Department of Child Services through my state does this. They also keep track of his earnings so that if he gets a raise, they know about it. What are some things that have worked for you?
Posted on: Tue, 22 Oct 2013 14:49:14 +0000