Extract from Ntombifuthi: life after divorce by Pumeza Mafani I chose to keep my marriage name after divorce. Many people still ask me why would I want to be associated with him after the divorce. Some ask out of curiosity, some out of animosity( against me or against my ex). Those close to me at the time were even more disgusted to say the least... Even him ( my ex) once suggested I changed it... You see, everyone thought its about my EX. No one has ever considered me and anything OUTSIDE of him that would motivate me to keep his name. No one considered it as my name too! I had inherited it, assumed it, embraced it, loved it, wore it, carried it, consumed it ( ndatya utsiki), gave birth to it THREE times! Well, to this, I always give a simple and straight forward answer ... I divorced him, not my kids! The truth is that this is but one reason... 1.When I graduated, even with my first degree I was Mrs ( married young, while at varsity), so all my official documents bear this surname. 2. I thought it would be cumbersome to go through all the processes to change everything, I was just lazy to even think about it! 3. I love traveling and had plans to travel with my kids sometimes, so I didnt want to be questioned about where Im taking them, and be suspected of child trafficking! 4. Luvuno is my grandmothers surname, so in essence it isnt mine either! 5. His name does not define me, I am Pumeza, and always will be ( with or without it)! 6. I wanted my kids to feel and be assured that I was still part of them and avoid unnecessary questions by their peers at school. 7. I am one with my kids, and wont let a name separate us, so I chose their name, it is a family name after all! 8. By the time we got divorced, I had established and built my brand on this name...others even used it as my first name when they thought they were showing affection( lol). 9. It is a womans prerogative to chose which surname to take when getting married... You can choose to keep your maiden surname, a double barrel or your spouses...it is equally her prerogative to change it or not to change it after divorce. 10. I dont hate the name( it never hurt me), neither do I hate him by the way...I just divorced HIM! There! 10 reasons! I have TEN reasons why I chose to keep his surname! Do I hate the association and negative consequences that this decision sometimes brings?....
Posted on: Fri, 06 Jun 2014 17:10:47 +0000
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