Lessons Learned at the First Annual Joeypalooza: 1. An airline does not care if the feeble are seated in an exit row. 2. If you have a window seat, it is an irrefutable fact that the other two people in your row WILL go for at least 650lbs, effectively trapping you in said seat for 5+ hours. 3. Never play blackjack against a dealer named Lucky. 4. It IS possible to lose a small fortune, one $25 bet at a time. And, when you think youve bottomed out and it cant get worse, youre wrong. 4b. It is also possible to be dealt four aces, and not have bet enough money to insure that you are a winner on the trip. 5. Despite having the good intentions of sitting by the pool and reading, it WILL be cloudy and windy, forcing you back inside to the casino where you will be reminded of the last lesson. 6a. Finding one specific Noodle Bar in a city filled with Noodle Bars is equivalent to finding a needle in a haystack. In fact, its a bit like finding a needle in a needlestack. 6b. If anyone wants to go to Monta Noodle Bar on the Second Annual Joeypalooza, they will be going without Joey (but he can now give you excellent directions.) 7. In a town full of strip clubs, it is possible to so severely pollute your body over the course of a day that you end up going to see flower gardens instead, and it was a good decision. 8. Ketel One vodka mixes very well with In-N-Out Pink Lemonade. 8b. No matter how lousy you feel, there is still always room for a double double. 9. Should you sit down at a table, and the pit bosss name is Hazel, regardless of how much you are losing, she will insist that your average bet will still only be $50. 10. Steak for six is better than delicious. It should also be titled Steak for eight and you will get the meat sweats if you try to finish it all. 11. If you are watching a basketball team squander a 10 point lead in the last minute of a game and you see the Big 10 player of the year miss a free throw that would cover a 2.5 point spread, screaming obscenities at the television in the middle of a crowded restaurant will not attract positive attention to yourself. 12. There will be plenty of women who are wearing clothing the approximate size of a napkin but they will not have walked in said napkin before purchasing it. If you are stuck behind them, understand that they will need to stop and readjust their dress every six feet or they will need to take chain gang style, shuffle steps in 4 inch heels. Either way, you arent going anywhere quickly, but you probably wont mind. 13. If you are ever on a golf course with Butch Harmon, hope that you are in the group in front of him or its going to be a long day. 14. No matter how much sleep you get on a red-eye flight, none of it will be restful.
Posted on: Mon, 31 Mar 2014 17:13:24 +0000
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